Saturday 26 June 2010

Fezzes are cool



My friend Scary Monkey has a fez, just like the Doctor in today's Doctor Who episode, which was called Big Bang. Fezzes are cool...

... unlike River Sue, who is the worst thing in Doctor Who by miles. Even worse than the new Daleks, which are rubbish and not good like proper Daleks at all.

Monday 21 June 2010

Big Gay Longcat reviews Star Trek: Space Seed

Today Starcat is going to help me review Space Seed from season 1 of Star Trek. It is the first story to have Khan in it - he comes back in Star Trek 2 Wrath of Khan - so this is a good story for my first Star Trek review.

It starts when the Enterprise picks up a signal from a spaceship. It is an old ship, from the 1990s! That is a very long time ago even now. Mr Spock says this was the time of the Eugenics Wars. I am only two years old so I am too young to remember the Eugenics Wars.

Captain Kirk beams across to the spaceship with Lt MacGyver.

Lt MacGyver is a beautiful girl and not a manny with a mullet and a swiss army knife.

They find Khan and his mannys and Captain Kirk wakes Khan up from having sleeps. They take Khan to the Enterprise and Dr McCoy finds out Khan is very strong. Lt MacGyver thinks Khan is handsome. Captain Kirk doesn't know Khan is a baddy yet because Mr Spock can't find any record of Khan in their wikipedia computer. He should have looked here.

Khan wakes up and captures Dr McCoy but Bones is not impressed.
"Well either choke me or cut my throat - make up your mind," he says, and "it would be most effective if you would cut the cat* artery, just under the left ear."

*I think this is what he said, but I'm not sure. I'm a cat, not a doctor.

Khan is impressed but he wants to speak to Captain Kirk because he's in charge.

Captain Kirk lets Khan read their internets for a bit so he knows things, and then Khan seduces Lt MacGyver. They go to dinner with Captain Kirk and Mr Spock, where Mr Spock tests Khan to see if he is a baddy and Khan gives himself away.

Now that they know he is a baddy Khan stops pretending to be a goody - he seduces Lt MacGyver more by being a baddy to her.

This makes her become a baddy on his side. For some reason.

Mr Spock finally finds out who Khan was - the leader of the baddys in the 1990s - and Khan is arrested but he escapes. Lt MacGyver helps him wake up the rest of his baddys on his ship and then they take over the Enterprise really easily. Everyone is captured, even Captain Kirk. Oh noes!

Khan offers the senior officers a chance to become baddys on his side. They all say no so he says he will kill Captain Kirk unless they join him, but they still say no. Lt MacGyver realises how bad Khan is. She goes and rescues Captain Kirk, and then Captain Kirk rescues Mr Spock.

They gas all Khan's mannys, but Khan escapes. Captain Kirk chases him and their stunt doubles have a fight. Khan is a strong man but Captain Kirk still wins because he beats Khan with a stick.

Captain Kirk puts Khan, his mannys, and Lt MacGyver in prison on a planet. Mr Spock wonders what their planet will be like in a hundred years.

That is the end of the episode.

This is a good episode because Khan is such a good baddy. He is strong and clever so he is a match for Captain Kirk, and he manages to get the girl on his side - which is usually what Captain Kirk does!

But the best thing about this episode is that without it there would be no Star Trek 2 Wrath of Khan (which is my best film ever!) because Khan would not be angry at Captain Kirk if he had not been beaten in this story.

Sunday 20 June 2010

It's my birthday tomorrow...

I'm very excited... and long.

Tuesday 15 June 2010

Introducing: Starcat

I has a new friend. He is a longcat like me.


His name is Starcat.

He also likes Star Trek. We have been watching it together.

Sunday 13 June 2010

Guest spot: Puppy reviews Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds



Woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof,
Woof-woof-woof woof woof-woof woof-woof.
Woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof,
Woof-woof woof-woof-woof-woof.
Woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof,
Woof woof woof-woof woof-woof.
Wuff-wuff wuff-wuff-wuff wuff wuff,
Yip yip yip yip yip.

Thursday 10 June 2010

Big Gay Longcat reviews Blakes 7: Sarcophagus

There's an alien taking over Cally and making her look all gold and shiny and fabulous. Only Avon has the brains and the bravery to stop her. It looks like it's up to him to save the day again.

Sarcophagus, by Tanith Lee, comes right after Rumours of Death in season 3.

It starts on a planet with some alien mannys dressed in fancy clothes. They do something to make other mannys, all dressed in different colours, appear and disappear. The aliens turn to go away but then one more manny - in black - appears unexpectedly, and they have to make him vanish like the others before him.

This scene is very colourful and fabulous, but I don't know what is going on and none of the aliens or mannys say anything the whole time. It seems to fit with the rest of the episode, but I don't know why. It's too complicated for a cat like me.

Then a spaceship takes off from the planet to finish this bit and next we are on the Liberator, where Cally is feeling sad. Zen sees an alien spaceship, so Cally, Avon and Vila teleport across to it. The inside of the spaceship is like the planet from earlier.

They find a dead body with a mysterious ring. Cally starts feeling strange and draws her gun and shoots, but there is nothing. She picks up a dusty thingy and gets teleported back, but Avon and Vila are stuck until Cally goes back and holds their hands so they all get teleported away before the spaceship explodes.

So many strange things happen in that scene with Cally that there is a mystery established. Avon knows something secret is going on but he doesn't know what. Back on the Liberator, Avon examines the thingy.

It is blue.

Cally has secretly taken the ring from the dead body.
Avon and Tarrant have a big argument.
Dayna sings a song.

Cally hears a voice in her head while she sleeps.
The blue thingy begins to glow. Orac tries to work out what is going on but it goes wrong when the blue thingy breaks into pieces. Orac is damaged and then Zen goes wrong too when telling them there is an intruder on the Liberator.

Cally allows the alien to take her over because she is lonely. She goes into a deep sleep.
Dayna tries to wake Cally but something knocks Dayna out.
Vila is by himself on the flight deck. He talks to himself and does magic tricks. Then he sees the alien.

It looks like Cally with gold skin and red hair and a fabulous shiny costume.

Tarrant finds Dayna and the real Cally, then he goes to fight the alien Cally but she stops his gun from working. The alien tells Tarrant that she is in charge of the Liberator now and he has to choose between being a servant or dying. Poor Tarrant is very useless here, he can't do anything.

The alien describes Vila: "He has a very high IQ and yet he acts like an imbecile."
Vila and Tarrant are both her prisoners. She tells them she wants to go back to her own planet but it is very far away.

Dayna and Avon come in. The alien gives them the same choice as she gave Tarrant, but Avon defies her, telling her she will not take the ship and nobody will do as she says.

"You have given us your terms, now I will give you ours: no deal."
He dares her to kill him.

"Make me die. There's nothing else you can make me do."
The alien makes explosions but doesn't kill Avon.

"You look so beautiful when you're angry."

He kiffs her, and steals the ring while he kiffs her. Without the ring the alien begins to die and gets scared because she doesn't want to die. But Avon doesn't give the ring back so she gets old and fades away and the real Cally is alright.

That is the end of the episode. Avon defeated the alien by being clever and working out she needed the ring to live, and he also realised she was so much like Cally she would not kill him because Cally is his friend.

He was very brave to try his plan and dare the alien to kill him, but maybe if we think about other episodes and not just this one, this story comes right after Rumours of Death which left Avon feeling very sad, so maybe he was reckless instead of brave.

This episode also comes not long after Children of Auron. That was a story that left Cally very sad and lonely, and so that may explain why she was so easy for the alien to take over. This is a clever story that works both by itself if we just think about it, and also as part of the series of stories that come in a row in season 3.

Avon kiffs the alien Cally as a distraction to steal her ring. It is a good distraction - I know I would be distracted if Avon kiffed me! This is also a good bit of writing by the writer of the story, because it means Avon kiffs Cally without kiffing the real Cally, which obviously he would not do because he would still be sad after Anna died not long ago, in Rumours of Death.

The same writer would use another clever trick to do something similar in season 4's Sand.

But that's another story...

Monday 7 June 2010

Big Gay Longcat reviews Doctor Who: Utopia

Utopia, by Russell T Davies, is an episode from later in season 29 than Gridlock. It starred David Tennant as the Doctor and Freema Agyeman as Martha. It guest-starred John Barrowman as Captain Jack, and has Derek Jacobi in it as well!

It starts with the TARDIS appearing in Cardiff and Captain Jack runs up to it and holds on when it vanishes again. He's still holding on when it travels in time. I think they should have shown him still holding on all the way through the titles but they didn't do that.

On another planet there are scary monster-mannys with sharp teeth, and they are chasing another manny like a cat chasing a bunny: for noms. Then we see Derek Jacobi! He is Professor Yana. He hears drums in his head and has an assistant called Chan Tho, she is an insect-manny who talks in a funny way.

Captain Jack is dead but comes back to life because he is Captain Scarlet now. This is the fault of rubbish Torchwood because it took the very nice Captain Jack of Doctor Who season 27 and made him rubbish like the rest of Torchwood.

The Doctor and Martha meet Captain Jack when they come out of the TARDIS. They see the manny being chased and try to help him because they are goodys. They get in to a safe place where lots of other mannys are.

The chased manny finds his family so he doesn't need to be in the story any more. The Doctor finds a big rocket and then meets Professor Yana who is trying to make the rocket go. There is a monster-manny in the place pretending to be a normal manny, but the goodys don't know she is there so they are in danger.

Captain Jack has the Doctor's hand in a jar from when it was cut off and grew back. This is the fault of the rubbish Christmas Invasion because it had the Doctor's hand getting cut off when he could have just been pretending, which would have been a much cleverer thing to do.

The mannys want their rocket to go to Utopia, which is the name of another planet where they will be safe from monsters. Professor Yana made the rocket and the Doctor helps make it work. Professor Yana hears drums again when he sees the TARDIS and he tells the Doctor about it.

"No rest for the wicked."
Professor Yana also tells the Doctor that he is not a real professor; he just knows things and is clever. He is like Professor Cat in this way.

There is a red room full of radiation. It is red so we know it is dangerous. The monster-manny breaks an important thing so the radiation kills the manny in the room. Captain Jack goes in to the room because he is the only manny that will not be killed in it, and he fixes a thing that was broken to make the rocket work.

The rocket is ready to go. As it counts down Yana hears voices in his head. He has an old, broken watch. He opens the watch and gets turned in to a Time Lord by it. Martha has realised this is what Face of Boe meant when he said "You Are Not Alone" and she tells the Doctor.

This scene is very dramatic, but what happens next is even more dramatic, because although Yana was a goody he is now turned in to a baddy! He locks everyone out of the room except Chan Tho (who was there already), and then he lets the monster-mannys in to chase the Doctor, Martha and Captain Jack.


"I AM THE MASTER."

Yana is really the Master, who was a baddy in old Doctor Who and he was in Doctor Who and the Sea Devils and Frontier in Space and Castrovalva and Five Doctors and Trial of a Time Lord and maybe others that I haven't seen or don't know about yet. This is a very exciting twist.

He zaps Chan Tho with electricity but she shoots him. The Doctor gets in but the Master steals the Doctor's hand-in-a-jar and locks himself in the TARDIS. He regenerates into a silly evil version of the Doctor (who is not as good as Derek Jacobi) and steals the TARDIS.

This means the Doctor, Martha and Captain Jack can't escape from the monster-mannys who are trying to get in to nom them! It is a cliffhanger ending, how will they escape?

This episode is much better than Gridlock. It has scary monster-mannys who are very threatening, not like the silly Macra crab-monsters. But more importantly it has Derek Jacobi!

Derek Jacobi is an old manny here, like when he was Cadfael or old Claudius in I Claudius and not like when he was Hamlet or Richard the Second in Shakespeare, but he is still a very good actor. He is brilliant when he turns into the Master and becomes a baddy, it is shocking and scary - even scarier than the monster-mannys. Maybe even scarier than the Borad in Timelash.

This story builds up and up with tension and excitement until it reaches its climax in the last few minutes with a great twist and a cliffhanger. That is why this is a very good episode. So it is a shame that the episode that continues the story is a big let-down after this one...

Thursday 3 June 2010

Big Gay Longcat reviews Blakes 7: Powerplay

The Liberator has been captured by a Federation Death Squad. So have Avon and Dayna. Vila and Cally are in trouble on a planet with an evil death hospital. It's up to Tarrant to save the day. But he's on the baddys' side... isn't he?

Powerplay, by Terry Nation, follows on directly from Aftermath at the beginning of season 3.

It starts with the Liberator in space, where Tarrant has captured Avon and Dayna. He has mannys with him, they are a Federation Death Squad - it looks like Tarrant is a baddy!


The baddys are led by Section Leader Clegg.


Oops, that was the wrong picture before - TEH SATIRES!111

Tarrant can't control the Liberator without one of the proper crew. Avon pretends not to be Avon so the baddys don't know who he is. Clegg is only suspicious but Tarrant guesses he is Avon when he doesn't want Zen to recognise him. They knock out Avon and Dayna but they are not given away.

Zen gets a message from Vila. Vila is on a planet where he meets a baldy manny in a skirt who helps him. Later Vila gets captured by two women who act friendly, but the baldy manny knows they're baddys really even though Vila doesn't.

Avon and Dayna are prisoners until they escape and find out that their guard has already been killed by someone else. Tarrant and Clegg go looking for them and they hide. Tarrant almost finds them.


Tarrant is very handsome in this episode, even dressed like a baddy.

Cally is in another spaceship. She meets Servalan. This scene gets in the way, I just want them to go back to Avon and Tarrant because their bit is exciting.

Another baddy gets killed while looking for Avon and Dayna, but not by them. Avon sets off an escape pod to fool the baddys, which is what a baddy did to try and fool him in Mission to Destiny.


Avon is very handsome too, look at his eyes. Purr.

Avon goes up to the bridge and speaks to Zen, but Dayna gets captured by Clegg again. Avon goes looking for her but he gets captured as well, by Tarrant and another baddy.

Tarrant reveals to Avon that he has recognised him, then he shoots the other baddy and says he killed the baddys earlier - he is on Avon's side! Avon is surprised by this, as he didn't know Tarrant was really a goody until now.

Cally meets Vila on the planet, where they are both in a hospital. Cally calls the Liberator to come and get them. Servalan tells them it is an evil hospital that will kill them and steal their organs, but she is going back to Earth to be President of the Federation.

Tarrant is given away when he is overheard by another baddy, who runs off to tell Clegg. Clegg threatens to kill Dayna unless Avon and Tarrant give up. Avon pretends to make a deal with Clegg to trick Tarrant so he gets captured. But they overpower the baddys and Dayna kills Clegg.

Vila and Cally get teleported up before the evil hospital can kill them. Avon lets Tarrant and Dayna join the crew and command the Liberator.


Dayna and Tarrant are Avon's new friends.

I love this episode! In fact it is my favourite of all Blakes 7.

The reason is that although there are many fantastic episodes of Blakes 7, this is Tarrant's best one. Avon has lots of amazing episodes, from Mission to Destiny in season 1 all the way through to Blake at the end, but Tarrant doesn't get as many.

This is not just his first proper episode, it is the one in which he is best. Tarrant is so clever in this story, he outwits Clegg and the other baddys, and he even fools Avon. He secretly helps Avon until he can show him he is a friend, and then he is best friends with Avon almost straight away.

The only bad bits to this episode are the scenes with Vila and Cally. They are important to the story as they show the two of them need to be rescued in the nick of time at the end, but they take too much time away from the thrilling scenes with Avon and Tarrant in them.

Avon and Tarrant are now the main characters in Blakes 7 (with Vila, Cally, Dayna, Orac and Zen helping them) and it is from this wonderful episode by Terry Nation that my best bits of Blakes 7 really begin. I am a happy cat!