Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Star Trek: Space Adventure

The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Avon smiling. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are being watched by Ceiling Cat. During this scene, Picard complains about not being as good as Captain Kirk.

There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must rescue Avon from Gauda Prime. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data is still dead.

This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Avon sword-fighting 9,000 BRIAN BLESSEDS! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finally finds out that he isn't French, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Dathon, though this person doesn't really help anything.

Then, Tacnayn, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Tacnayn is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is just grumpy that Captain Kirk isn't in this film.

The crew then learns that Marinus is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!

A little later, Worf is completely useless at fighting. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, kisses Avon, then dies.

A little later, Avon slips on the floor but covers for his mistake manfully. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Sea of Death. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, nobody knows why God needs a starship. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...

Finally, the crew discovers that Tacnayn has a Space Bomb! This makes the situation very dangerous!

In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'All your base are belong to us!' ...even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Tacnayn, Lt Sulu appears topless. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Tacnayn.

Soon, Riker shoots at Data, just to make sure. But this doesn't help anything.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Longcat Nebula. Almost defeated, Tacnayn, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Space Bomb! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Tacnayn by letting Avon shoot him. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Avon saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with not being as good as Captain Kirk. Picard then gives a speech about how much he loves Avon.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


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