Mission: Impossible - The Brexit, part four

"Thank you for taking the time to see us, Mr Juncker, I'm sure you must be a very busy man."

"No trouble at all, Mr Phelps. In fact being President of the European Union takes up hardly any of my time, and I have plenty to spend on my chief hobbies of playing violent video games and reading science fiction novels. You know I have just finished re-reading my favourite book, George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four. Do you know of it in the United States?"

"Er, yes, it's very famous. I'm pretty sure I remember studying it at school."

"Study it? Yes, perhaps we should make everyone study it, as it contains the blueprints for a well-organised, stable society. Thank you Mr Phelps, I shall make a note of that. Do you love Big Brother?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Do you love Big Brother? It is my favourite television show. A group of people with little to nothing in common, all locked within a small area and forced to get along with one another while secretly plotting each other's downfall to their own advantage. I see it as a metaphor for the countries of the European Union. My European Union!"

"Could we get on with our meeting please, M Juncker? We have to fly back to Washington this afternoon."

"You're quite right Mr Armitage. Now what can I do for you gentlemen?"

"We're from the United States Diplomatic Service, or 'CIA' for short, and we are concerned about the rumors that we have been hearing about France wanting to veto the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership, or 'TTIP' for short, deal between my government and yours. So we would like your reassurance that this will not happen, as it would make our President very upset."

"Ah. Don't worry Mr Phelps, I can assure you that France will not veto the TTIP deal. We in the European Union have the ability to bypass the national parliaments of our member states, so they would not get the chance to do it even if they wanted to. Which they don't."

"Well that is reassuring. Thank you for your time, Herr Juncker."

"Not at all, gentlemen. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for a meeting with David Cameron, who is coming to discuss what concessions the European Union will make to him to help keep his country from voting to Leave in their forthcoming referendum."

"And are you going to make any concessions?"

"No."

"Can I punch him out now, please Jim?"