Claw Claw Bite

I have been looking at more books. Look what cats can do in

Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay:

I am not a Wild Cat, I am a Long Cat. I don't go claw claw bite, I go hug hug kiff. Except when I leap, then I go pounce and hug hug hug hug kiff.

I has a parcel

What's in the parcel?

Ooooo...

Ta da! More cult TV for me to see!

Guest spot: Monkeys With Badges

Hello, we're monkeys.

We have badges.

We are Monkeys With Badges.

We like Rumpole of the Bailey.

What is an Election and is it as rude as it sounds?

I have heard that the mannys are going to have an Election soon. I didn't know what an Election is but I thought it sounded rude so I investigated. It is when all the mannys give a kiff to the manny they like the best and the one with the most kiffs gets to be a Member of Parliament for 5 years.

I asked if I could join in and give a kiff to the manny I like the best, but I was told no, you have to be 18 years old to join in and I am not even 2 years old yet. Also I am a cat made from socks.

I was a bit disappointed by this but then I asked if I could take part by seeing if I could get more kiffs than anyone else to become a Member of Parliament, as it is a job where you get money but you don't have to do anything* so it sounds like a good job for a cat. I was told no again. Mew.

* "Being an MP is a vast, subsidised ego trip. It's a job that needs no qualifications, that has no compulsory hours of work, no performance standards, and provides a warm room, a telephone and subsidised meals to a bunch of self-important windbags and busy-bodies who suddenly find people taking them seriously because they've got the letters MP after their names."

-- Yes Prime Minister, by Jonathan Lynn & Antony Jay

Gamma Longcat has a book

The Beginning of Wisdom

Today I have had an argument with Gamma Longcat about where socks come from.

I said nobody makes socks, socks just are, and then somebody makes them into cats or monkeys or things, or sometimes mannys wear them on their feet.

Gamma Longcat thinks Ceiling Cat makes socks. I asked Gamma Longcat how Ceiling Cat could make socks, and he said he doesn't know, because if he did know he would be as powerful as Ceiling Cat.

I said Ceiling Cat doesn't make socks, because he is a cat and cats don't make things because making things is like doing the w-word. Ceiling Cat just watches everybody, because he is Ceiling Cat.

Big Gay Longcat reviews Blakes 7: Orbit

Pounce!

Avon and Vila are betrayed by a baddy and are going to crash. It's up to Orac to come up with a solution... but it's up to Avon if he will go along with it.

If Warlord is the beginning of the end, then the previous episode - Orbit, by Robert Holmes - foreshadows that the end is coming.

It starts when Scorpio! arrives at a planet and Vila doesn't want to go down. He wants to stay behind with his friend Avon.

"You know I like to stick with you Avon... where it's safe."

Egrorian and Pinder are old mannys who laugh like they are silly. Egrorian is the one in charge, he wants Avon to come down to his planet. Avon takes Vila with him. And a gun.

Egrorian is a mad scientist and he wants to show them all! He has an ultimate weapon called a 'Tachyon Funnel' and he wants to swap it for Orac. He is a baddy and he is very horrible to Pinder who is just a poor old manny. Avon agrees to the deal but he is already suspicious and thinking of a plan.

Egrorian is really working with Servalan because he fancies her. He is so horrible that even Servalan is disgusted by him. Tarrant has been finding out how much of a baddy Egrorian is, and he also knows Pinder should be a young manny and not an old manny. Egrorian tells Avon that Pinder was aged by radiation.

Avon and Vila make the swap, but betray Egrorian by giving him a fake Orac. They thought Egrorian would try and betray them and they are right because the shuttle cannot go fast enough to escape the planet. Avon starts throwing things overboard to make them lighter, including the Tachyon Funnel.

Both Avon and Egrorian have been caught by the idea of the Prisoner's Dilemma, which says it is always better to betray than to trust. Except when both sides betray then neither of them wins - here Egrorian doesn't get Orac, and Avon doesn't get the weapon.

Avon and Vila are still in trouble because they are 70 kilos too heavy.

"Dammit! What weighs 70 kilos?" asks Avon. Orac gives him the answer, like Basement Cat whispering in his ear.

"Vila weighs 73 kilos, Avon."

Avon's face in that moment. Then he reaches for the gun.

"Vila. Vila?"

The music in the background changes, so we all know this is Serious Business.

"Vila, are you here? I need your help." Vila is hiding.

"Vila, I know you're here. Come out." Vila looks very scared.

"Vila, I know how they did it but I need your help. Please help me."

Then Avon finds the heavy thing that is weighing them down. Now he really does know what they did, but Vila will not believe him. Avon has to push it out of the ship himself. But he does, so they escape.

Servalan leaves Egrorian behind, and Pinder kills himself and Egrorian with the same radiation that made him old. They are turned into skeletons.

Nobody wins. Avon and Vila may have escaped, but they are not friends any more because Vila is scared of Avon now.

Would Avon really have killed Vila if he hadn't found the heavy thing? Avon has always been a goody, doing things like staying to solve a mystery when he didn't have to in Mission to Destiny, or taking off his teleport bracelet to stay behind and save the planet in Countdown, and so Blake says he always trusted him in Star One. Vila trusted Avon too.

If Avon killed Vila then he and Orac would escape. But if Avon hadn't killed Vila, they would both have died when the shuttle crashed. He and Vila might have still escaped if they had trusted each other and worked together to throw enough things off the shuttle, but to Avon that was a risk - while if he betrayed Vila then he would certainly survive.

This is another example of the Prisoner's Dilemma within the same story. The logical choice in this situation is to betray, and Avon has always been a logical manny, maybe even longer than he has been a goody. That is why I think Avon would have killed Vila, even though Vila is his friend.

Avon does find the heavy thing though, so he doesn't need to kill Vila. But he does need to move the heavy thing himself, because Vila will not trust him and stays hiding. By not trusting Avon (and rightly so, poor scared Vila) it means that Vila has betrayed Avon in turn - and when both sides betray then nobody wins.

Because this is a story and not a thinking brain experiment, Avon and Vila do escape. What they lose is the trust that Vila had for Avon at the start of the story.

This is an episode that builds up and up and up to the moment when the shuttle with Avon and Vila in it is going down and down and down. Then it becomes very dramatic and quite scary when the Serious Business happens.

The end of the episode is not a tragic ending like Warlord, or a cliffhanger ending like Aftermath, but it is not a happy ending. Avon has betrayed a friend, and shown what he is capable of...

I has a book

Big Gay Longcat reviews Blakes 7: Warlord

Avon has new friends and Tarrant has a pink-haired girlfriend. It's up to her equally pink-haired daddy to get in their way.

Warlord, by Simon Masters, is the second-last episode of Blakes 7. It is the beginning of the end, as the events of this story lead into the ultimate events of Blake.

It starts with Avon talking to some mannys about the Federation and showing them films of other mannys going up and down escalators. The mannys argue with Avon and talk about Zukan who is a pirate or a president or both.

Zukan has pink hair when he arrives. Zeona is Zukan's daughter. She has two pink wigs for her hair and is fabulous.

Zeona and Zukan.

Zukan doesn't know Zeona is at the base. Avon and Zukan and the other mannys make friends, but then there is a secret baddy in the base doing secret bad things. It is Zukan! Zukan is really a baddy but Avon doesn't know this.

Zukan finds out Zeona is there. She is having kiffs with Tarrant. Avon sounds very angry when he talks to Tarrant. I think Avon is so angry because he is jealous, and he carries Tarrant out of the room with Zeona and Zukan in it. This is a very funny bit and made me lol.

Zeona, Soolin and Avon (but not Tarrant) go off in Scorpio! Soolin teleports Zeona back to Tarrant without Avon knowing about it, but Avon quickly guesses what has happened because he is clever. Zeona kiffs Tarrant again.

Tarrant gets lots of kiffs this episode.

Zukan takes off in his spaceship with his friend Finn who knows about his secret. They left behind bombs that go off in the base, blowing up the teleport and all the ways out. Tarrant and Vila try to get out but there is something in the air that kills the other mannys (except for Tarrant, Vila, Dayna and Zeona).

Zukan and Finn meet up with their real friend, who is Servalan! Here is an exchange between Zukan and Servalan that makes me think Zukan may have liked Avon really:

Zukan: "Against one man?"

Servalan: "Against Avon."

Zukan: "You make me wonder if I didn't choose badly. You fear him. He and I, together we could have been invincible."

Avon and Soolin walk into a Federation trap on Zukan's planet. Soolin pretends to be Zeona so they trick the Federation mannys and escape. Soolin is very smart here and this is an action-packed bit with lots of pewpewpew.

Zukan feels bad about being a baddy but Finn doesn't. They find the bomb that Servalan left behind to blow them up. Zukan ejects Finn and the bomb into space to save himself, but it still explodes and his spaceship goes out of control and blows up. That is the end of Zukan.

Everyone at the base is going to run out of air but Avon works out how to save them and then teleports them up to Scorpio! He doesn't need Zukan's help because Avon is clever and Zukan is an untrustworthy baddy. So Avon doesn't try to save Zukan and lets him blow up.

Zeona realises her daddy was the baddy. She kiffs Tarrant and then teleports down to fix the machine that killed the mannys. But after she does this she dies because she was sad her daddy was a baddy. This makes Tarrant very sad.

Poor Tarrant.

This is a very good episode. It is dramatic because the stakes are high - Avon wants to have new friends and fight the Federation, and Tarrant has a girlfriend but her daddy is secretly the baddy - and things go very wrong for our heroes before Avon saves them. But Zeona dying is a tragic ending, almost like the end of a Shakespeare play, and it is not a happy ending. And there is more tragedy and drama still to come in the next episode.

But that's another story...