Big Gay Longcat's Big Gay Longblog: Sharpe, season three (1995)

Sharpe's Gold

Oh dear.

After a nearly unbroken string of exceptional, iconic episodes, the third season of Sharpe crashes to the ground by opening with this instalment, which adapts the novel of the same name in a similar way to a lot of Bond films - taking the title and the main characters, and substituting an entirely new plot.

What makes this even more of a punch in the face is that the TV story was written by Nigel "Quatermass" Kneale. You might think this would result in a good episode, but his decision to try and introduce hints of the supernatural, along with putting an inappropriate Aztec death cult in 19th century Spain, makes this a poor fit for the series.

Baddy-of-the-week El Casco (played by the improbably named Abel Folk) has his own spooky incidental music, which plays over his scenes like he's Anthony Valentine's Sorcerer character in Robin of Sherwood, and at one point the Chosen Mannys recover the journal of a French officer like they're Player Characters in a game of Call of Cthulhu. Cthulhu says this is his favourite episode of Sharpe, but then he would, wouldn't he? Silly Cthulhu.

As for me, I found my suspension of disbelief being stretched to near breaking point by the way the plot had to be bent out of shape to put a damsel in distress for Sharpe to rescue at the end. The love-interest-of-the-week is supposed to be General Wellington's cousin, Ellie Nugent, who along with her mother is looking for their missing father who was searching for treasure in this part of Spain. They tag along with Sharpe and the Chosen Mannys on their mission, and because they're related to the General it means Sharpe has to look after them despite them doing a lot of foolish things that are liable to get them killed. Ellie gets kidnapped by El Casco, and Sharpe ends up rescuing her from being human-sacrificed in a climax that also has a strong resemblance to Robin of Sherwood's first two-parter. Oh, and then they find her missing father, but he's gone mad from exposure to all the Aztec stuff.

At one point El Casco starts doing cat mews for no reason which, frankly, felt like adding insult to injury.

Major Nairn wisely declined to be in this one, and he is replaced by Major Munro (played by Hugh Ross, not to be confused with Major General Ross, who will be the next intelligence officer we will meet in the fourth season), whose distinguishing character trait is that he's SCOTTISH. Munro stays with us for the rest of season three, continuing the tradition of TV Sharpe to rotate the intelligence officer every season.

A significant subplot involves the provosts, whose job it is to catch and hang looters and deserters from the British army. The posho-who-hates-Sharpe-of-the-week is Lt Ayres, who starts by hanging one of Sharpe's mannys for stealing a chicken (we know the soldier in question is in trouble because he is a new character that's just been introduced and not one of the regular Chosen Mannys) and Ayres goes on to be a total arse throughout the episode, never missing any opportunity to be needlessly obnoxious. Unlike some poshos-who-hate-Sharpe-of-the-week he doesn't even get a chance to redeem or prove himself, getting randomly killed off a few minutes from the end, lol.

This is one of the poorest episodes of the entire series, an uncomfortable mix of styles and tones plus a ~~good~~ bad helping of clichéd tropes. It has some redeeming points - the main cast remain as watchable as ever, and there are some nice set-piece fight scenes - but not enough to save it from the bottom of the pile.

Sharpe's Battle

The generic-sounding title lets you know what you're in for - an average title for an average episode. While a big step up from the preceding story, this is still a long way from the highs of the previous seasons.

This might even be the most typical episode of Sharpe. It has a baddy-of-the-week in the form of a sadistic French Brigadier (played by Oliver "Cesare Borgia" Cotton) whose most memorable character traits are that his surname is Loup, which the show likes to repeatedly remind us means "wolf", and his single milky eye that at least gives him a distinctive appearance. He is otherwise utterly generic as an antagonist, dying at the end of an utterly typical swordfight with Sharpe in which is looks like he is about to win, then Sharpe turns the tables and kills him at the last moment.

There is of course a posho-who-hates-Sharpe of the week, this being Lord Kiley and a love-interest-of-the-week in the form of Lady Kiley. Unusually for the series, she avoids getting off with Sharpe when he realises she is still in love with her husband even though he treats her badly, and Sharpe helps them to reconcile before her husband gets killed by Loup while in the process of redeeming himself for being an absolute cad to all concerned throughout most of the story.

Perhaps of most interest in the guest cast is Ian "Harcourt" McNeice as Wagonmaster-General Runciman, Sharpe's senior officer for the duration of this episode, who is a manny with no manners whatsoever, so provides the majority of the comic relief. Otherwise the comic relief is provided by General Wellington and Major Munro, who here are as close to a Robert Holmes-style double-act as this series ever gets.

One other thing that helps this story stand out somewhat is that it is the only time (prior to the series finale Sharpe's Waterloo) that we see one of the regular Chosen Manny characters killed off. Perkins has been a Chosen Manny since Sharpe's Rifles, and while other characters introduced back in that first episode have disappeared from the show - Isaiah Tongue didn't make it to season two, and Private Cooper vanished in between Sharpe's Gold and this one - Perkins actually has the dubious honour of dying on screen. This leaves four of the original cast still in place from now on - Sharpe and Harper, of course, plus riflemannys Harris (the one who can read and write) and Hagman (the one who sings the theme song).

Sharpe's Sword

The third season ends on a high point, and a partial return to the quality levels of the first two seasons. This story sees a complex plot of British and French spies, false identities and betrayals, which is one of the best of the whole series, but unfortunately it almost tries to do too much in its run time, with the result that some of the subplots and characters do not get the development or screen time they deserve.

The guest cast is impressive. Stephen "Marvin" Moore is a Colonel who intially doesn't get on with Sharpe, but doesn't count as the posho-who-hates-Sharpe of the week because he actually comes to respect Sharpe's skills* quite quickly. Vernon Dobtcheff appears as a Spanish Don who runs a hospice. A young and pre-fame James "Mark Antony" Purrfoy appears as Captain Jack Spears, an intelligence officer W-wording for Major Munro. Speaking of Munro, by this point has completed his journey to becoming an out-and-out Komedy Scotsman, playing the bagpipes badly - not that there's a lot of difference between playing them badly and playing them well, mew - then quipping "I've never had a lesson in my life."

But the real guest-character of note is the return of Sir Henry Simmerson, last seen fleeing in cowardly disgrace at the end of Sharpe's Eagle. Michael Cochrane makes him suitably odious in every scene in which he appears (including trying to blackmail and then rape Sharpe's love-interest-of-the-week), but unfortunately it's a bit of a wasted opportunity to bring him back here, since he hardly shares any screentime with Sharpe, and probably has more dialogue with Riflemanny Harris than he does with the series' lead.

Harris gets to make his biggest contribution to the plot since the first season, when he breaks the French code that allows Sharpe to unmask the spy within their own ranks. Sharpe himself spends the middle of the story injured, so it is left to the supporting cast to carry that part of the story. Sergeant Harper turns out to have unexpected swordsmithing skills - never before and never subsequently mentioned, unless I'm very much mistaiken - and turns an old sword into a brand new one to replace Sharpe's sword that was broken when he was injured... hence the story title, clang! And with Sharpe temporarily out of the picture, it is up to a guest character to defeat Simmerson, once again sending him away humiliated, but the fact that it wasn't even one of the regular characters that did it makes it feel much less satisfying than it should have been, mew.

This is still an absolutely packed story with some great moments and plenty of twists and turns and action set-pieces - you can tell that, unlike with Sharpe's Gold, this was based pretty closely on one of the better Sharpe novels.