Monday, 12 July 2010

Big Gay Longcat reviews Star Trek: The Corbomite Maneuver


In honour of my new friend Scary Cat, today I will review the scariest episode of Star Trek ever - The Corbomite Maneuver, from season 1. This review will feature pictures of a scary face, so don't read on if you are a scaredy cat.

I know he looks scary but don't worry - Scary Cat is nice really.

It starts with the Enterprise taking photos of space. They meet a special effect and it gets in their way. Captain Kirk is in sickbay with his shirt off doing exercises when Mr Spock shows him the special effect and the dramatic music that goes with it.

Captain Kirk goes to the bridge, stopping only to put a new shirt on. I think these early scenes of Captain Kirk with no shirt on are just there to lull us in to a false sense of security about this episode, before it gets really scary later on.

Mr Bailey wants to shoot the special effect, but Captain Kirk tries to fly the Enterprise away first. It chases them and puts out radiation. When Mr Spock says it is dangerous then Captain Kirk orders Mr Bailey to shoot it and the special effect blows up.

Dr McCoy and Yeoman Rand are about to give Captain Kirk noms when they meet another special effect and it tractor beams the Enterprise. This one is much bigger and it is a circle with lots of scary lights on it.

It gets more scary when Balok talks to them in a loud scary voice and then makes the bridge's lights go on and off so they can't do anything to fight or get away. Balok says he will blow them up in 10 minutes. Mr Spock finds out how to see a picture of Balok - he has a scary face!

Scary face!

Mr Bailey gets very scared and Captain Kirk gets Dr McCoy to take him away from the bridge. Even Mr Spock doesn't know what to do. But then Captain Kirk gets an idea. He bluffs Balok that the Enterprise is made of "corbomite" and it will blow Balok up if he blows the Enterprise up.

Balok is still counting down and gets to 30 seconds. Mr Bailey comes back and Captain Kirk lets him sit in his chair again because he was brave to come back even though he was scared before.

The countdown reaches zero and Balok says he wants proof of the corbomite but Captain Kirk says no. Balok sends out another special effect to take the Enterprise to a planet where everybody will be put in prison. It is a little spaceship.

Captain Kirk plays along for a little while and then they try to break free of the little ship's tractor beam. They escape and Balok's little ship breaks down. It asks them for help. Captain Kirk takes Dr McCoy and Mr Bailey with him when they beam over. They see Balok.

Scary face!

But it is only a model. The real Balok is a little manny with a silly voice. He is not scary at all, he is nice really and was just testing them in case they were baddys to him because he's only little. Everybody is friends at the end.

Scary face!

This is a very good episode because it is cleverly made to begin with a nice bit - Captain Kirk doing exercises with no shirt on - then it gets scary when Balok comes, and then at the end it is nice again with everybody becoming friends.

Balok isn't in any more episodes of Star Trek, but the scary face appears during the end credits of lots of episodes (including this one!) and when you see it the music goes "Duh-DUH DUH!" as if to say "Sca-RY FACE!"
But we now know not to be scared because Balok is nice really.

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