Look - (stop me if you've heard this one) But There Were These Two Fellers...

Yes that is the title.

The Avengers had been getting increasingly comedic for a while, but did it ever get more overtly comedic than this 1968 tale of two clowns bumping board directors off under orders from a Punch & Judy Show? The way the killers dance off after every murder is genuinely funny though, and there is an additional meta-element to the amusement because they are breaking the fourth wall to do it, acknowledging and playing up to the camera and, thereby, the viewers at home.

John Steed and Tara King try to get in on the double-act game, but Steed works better as a witty character, not an outright clown indulging in cheap gags and slapstick.

And another thing that makes this episode remarkable is the presence of John Cleese, in what was (probably, based on a minimal amount of internets research) his first TV role outside of sketch shows. The absurdity of storing hundreds of fragile eggs on rickety shelves is amplified by Cleese's character's eggsaggerated nervousness around them. It is obvious from the moment we first see thee gees that they are going to end up smashed, so there is joy to be found in the eggspectation.

And another guest-star of note is Bernard Cribbins, playing the former gag writer for one of the killer clowns. We meet him surrounded by thousands of discarded pieces of paper, each one a rejected gag. A year before "Ernest Scribbler" would appear in Monty Python's Flying Circus's 'funniest joke in the world' sketch, Cribbins's character shows that this particular stereotype was already well-established, and this a particularly outrageous example of it.

Killed off in case he can identify the clowns, Cribbins still manages to do exactly that, and gives Steed the clue that sets him on their tail. Though in order to find the clue he has to go hunting through the masses of paper, a situation as inevitable in its own way as the breaking of the eggs was.

And Talfryn Thomas makes a creepy late entrance as pyromaniac magician "Fiery Frederick," the member of the evil entertainers gang who is prepared to murder Tara (as a part of his magic act, naturally) when the killer clowns themselves prove too squeamish. This walks the line between remaining comedic and being genuinely tense, a blending of the two tones that was practically a trademark of The Avengers in its last few seasons, before spreading to become a staple of late '60s/early '70s telefantasy in general - no doubt because of the significant overlap in writers and script editors.

And as the evil entertainers have their final meeting with their leader (the Punch & Judy Show concealing his identity like he is Blofeld in the early Bond films), Steed and Tara infiltrate it disguised as a pantomime horse, leading to a confrontation with the real ('real') pantomime horse that is already a member of the gang. They club all the gang members over the head until only the two clowns and the boss are left. Steed has to club the ventriloquist's dummy as well as the ventriloquist, because of he course he does.

Steed's fight with the clown who is also a quick-change artist sees Steed having to defeat each of his costumes (acting like extra lives) in succession, with the final punch sending him speeding back through all the changes we have just seen before he collapses. Tara fights with the mute sidekick mostly offscreen, vanishing into a magician's cabinet before emerging with her defeated opponent. Steed and Tara reunite to easily defeat the boss, then dance off the screen in the manner previously used by the clowns - they don't normally break the fourth wall in this way, or even imitate their antagonists for that matter, but in this case it is symbolic of their ultimate triumph over an opposition who did get to play around with the format.

I could say the same about the coda involving Steed quick-changing, but that's just the usual sort of lame joke these episodes end with as standard.

I suppose it does prove that the normal level of humour has been restored. Mew.

Big Gay Longcat reviews Star Trek: Spectre of the Gun

Spectre of the Gun was the first episode produced for the third season of Star Trek. However it was shown sixth, presumably because they were in more of a hurry to get Spock's Brain out there for the viewing public to enjoy as soon as possible. Despite the name of the episode, if Expensive Luxury Cat is expecting a crossover with James Bond, he's going to be expensive luxury disappointed.

The Enterprise is already at red alert, so we are starting in media res. There's another ship that appears to be chasing them, playing Cat and Mouse - a great start. It sends them a message telling them to turn back,  but Captain Kirk's orders are "to establish contact with the Melkotians at all costs."

He sends a message back to the ship, but when it gives them no reply he decides they should carry on boldly going to the planet they were on their way to.

Captain Kirk, Mr Spock, Dr McCoy, Scotty and Chekov beam down to the planet between scenes, the budget now being so low that even the cost-saving transporter is now too expensive to show. The planet is all foggy, which makes Captain Kirk nervous that this might be another Hallowe'en episode. They cannot communicate with the Enterprise, so are stuck here.

An alien appears through the fog, which creates a mini-cliffhanger to take us into the title sequence. When it resumes, the alien tells them it is going to kill them for ignoring their warning to turn back. Captain Kirk pulls out his phaser and says

"We come in peace, but we'll defend ourselves if necessary."

It's not quite "We come in peace; shoot to kill," but is one of the nearest examples we are going to get in the series.

The alien teleports them to a different place, a half-built set of a Wild West town. It is well known that the reason it looks the way it does is because it was easier on the budget than trying to build a realistic Wild West town in their studio (something even Doctor Who managed in The Gunfighters, which shows just how bad their financial situation was for Star Trek's third season when the network was purposefully trying to kill the show), but it is hardly an original observation for me to make that this adds enormously to the strangeness of the alien environment, and creates a much more fitting atmosphere than even the most realistic set could have - eerie, and doom-laden.

Their phasers have been replaced with Wild West guns. Captain Kirk says of them

"These could be useful. Just remember one thing - to individuals at close range, these could be as deadly as phasers."

That almost sounds like a joke, given how laughably ineffective some of the more modern Star Trek spinoffs have made phasers, but it is important to remember that phasers were still serious business in those days.

The town sheriff appears and recognises them, but not as Captain Kirk, Mr Spock, Dr McCoy, Scotty and Chekov. Instead he thinks they are the Clanton gang, which helps Captain Kirk and Mr Spock recognise what is going on.

Captain Kirk: "In the late 19th century in Arizona, two factions fought for control of the town of Tombstone. The Earps - Morgan, Virgil and Wyatt - who were the town marshals, along with Doc Holliday."

Mr Spock: "And the Clanton gang. On October 26th, they 'had it out.'"

Chekov: "Who won?"

Captain Kirk: "The Clantons lost, Mr Chekov."

Chekov: "And we are the Clantons?"

Captain Kirk: "We are the Clantons."

Other mannys appear in the Last Chance Saloon. While music plays in the background, we cats are all grateful it is not the Ballad of the Last Chance Saloon, which we had quite enough of hearing (thirty times) in The Gunfighters. Chekov is happy to get a kiff from one of the mannys, who thinks he is Billy Claiborne. Captain Kirk is less happy to see that one of the other mannys there is Morgan Earp, whom he is unlikely to be getting any kiffs from.

Since they still look like themselves, and still have their Starfleet costumes on, Captain Kirk is quick to try and convince the bartender who he really is:

"I know this is hard to understand, but I'm Captain James T Kirk of the spaceship Enterprise."

and when the bartender only laughs at him:

Captain Kirk: "I'm not joking! I'm not Ike Clanton!"

Bartender: "It's okay with me, Ike, anything you say. Don't make no difference who I think you are. Your problem is, who does Wyatt Earp think you are?"

This is obviously not going to succeed, but that doesn't stop Captain Kirk from going to see Wyatt and Virgil Earp, alone, and trying the same plan on them. This just leads to him having a fist fight with them, and they give him the ultimatum that he has until "five o'clock" to leave the town. Captain Kirk says

"We'll be glad to cooperate."

because leaving the town is what he wants to do anyway.

Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy try to think of a new plan while Scotty drinks the "bourbon" (outrageous national stereotyping, there) and Chekov tries to get more kiffs from his new friend Sylvia.

Their plan is "to exercise the better part of valour" and leave town, but a forcefield prevents any of them from crossing the "Tombstone city limits." Realising they are trapped here and can't win a fair gunfight because history says the Clantons must lose it, they come up with a new plan to make a primitive gas grenade - a plan that has a role for everybody in order to assemble the pieces Mr Spock needs.

Dr McCoy visits the dentist's shop to try to get anaesthetic, not realising the dentist here is Doc Holliday and so another one of their enemies. Holliday lets him have it - his bag of medicines, I mean - but sends him away with another warning. This is beginning to get a little repetitive, but the sinister incidental music helps make it a tense scene, part of a long, slow build towards the episode's climax. But still, I don't think we can take many more of these 'threatening our heroes but not actually shooting them' scenes.

Meanwhile Chekov is getting into his part much more than the others, perhaps because he keeps running into Sylvia wherever he goes. Unfortunately this time he also meets Morgan Earp, and they get into a fight.

Expecting this to be another fist fight, Chekov advances towards Earp, who draws his gun and shoots Chekov. Oh noes!

Captain Kirk, Mr Spock, Dr McCoy and Scotty all run in. Dr McCoy says

"There's nothing I can do, Jim."

which is a missed opportunity for him to say "He's ded, Jim" if you ask me, mew.

All three Earps stand ready to have the gunfight right then and there, and Scotty (who is probably pretty drunk by this point) is up for settling things that way too. But Captain Kirk de-escalates the situation, even resisting further provocation from the Earps. This is a rare and beautiful form of leadership we see from Kirk here, defying the conventions of heroic characters, and certainly acting against the common stereotype of Captain Kirk, as a gung-ho, act-first-think-later type.

Our (surviving) heroes retire to the saloon to continue their grenade-making plan. This leads to a great character scene, since they are trying to do this while also dealing with the shock of Chekov's death. Dr McCoy and Scotty, and even Captain Kirk to some extent, struggle to understand that Mr Spock deals with the grief in a different way to them.

This lovely moment of conflict between our heroes is brief, as Mr Spock has realised that they can change the events here, since in the historical gunfight Billy Claiborne, who Chekov was playing the role of, was supposed to be the one of their gang to survive. This leads to a bit of classic Shatner acting as he makes the point clear for the audience at home:

"Yes. Yes, that's right. That means it doesn't have to happen the way it happened. We can change it."

and then, as if that were not enough:

"There must be a way. History has been changed in the fact that Billy Claiborne didn't die, but Chekov is lying there dead. That means there must be a way to change this history."

Captain Kirk goes to the sheriff to ask for his help, but the sheriff only encourages him to fight the Earps and to kill them. Captain Kirk tries to play along as wanting "revenge" on the Earps, but can't bring himself to pretend to be a ruthless murderer.

The sheriff's suggestion that "there'll be no questions asked" if his gang did murder the Earps horrifies Captain Kirk that a representative of the law could be so cowardly and corrupt, as is plainly visible on Shatner's face - a great, if not exactly subtle, piece of the acting.

Mr Spock and Dr McCoy have finished the gas grenade, and Scotty volunteers for them to test its effects on him. There's a moment of komedy as he downs some (more) bourbon "to kill the pain" before Mr Spock replies

Mr Spock: "But this is painless."

Scotty: "Well, you should've warned me sooner, Mr Spock."

Lol. This last bit of comic relief indicates the story's climax is approaching. The gas has no effect on Scotty, meaning their plan cannot succeed. Mr Spock almost seems annoyed that the aliens have apparently changed the laws of physics to prevent their plan from saving them. Sadly, Scotty completely fails to raise any objection as to the possibility or otherwise of this being the case.

Captain Kirk has one, desperate idea left, which is for them to stay in the saloon and not go to the OK Corral. No sooner has he said this then the aliens teleport them to the OK Corral. Sorry, when I said "last bit of comic relief" I meant "second last bit of comic relief," except this final bit was probably not intentionally funny, being a rare example of an instant reversal intended to be dramatic.

Forcefields again keep them in the place the aliens want them to be, so they are trapped there. Mr Spock thinks he knows what is going on, with the failure of the tranquilising gas having given him the last clue.

Mr Spock: "Physical reality is consistent with universal laws. Where the laws do not operate, there is no reality. All of this is unreal."

Dr McCoy: "What do you mean unreal? I examined Chekov. He's dead."

(Jim.)

Mr Spock: "But you made your examination under conditions which we cannot trust. We judge reality by the response of our senses. Once we are convinced of the reality of a given situation, we abide by its rules. We judged the bullets to be solid, the guns to be real, therefore they can kill."

Captain Kirk: "Chekov is dead because he believed the bullets would kill him."

Mr Spock: "He may indeed be dead. We do not know."

Captain Kirk: "But we do know that the Melkotians created the situation. If we do not allow ourselves to believe that the bullets are real, they cannot kill us."

Mr Spock: "Exactly. I know the bullets are unreal, therefore they cannot harm me."

Captain Kirk: "We must all be as certain as you are, Mr Spock, to save our lives."

Mr Spock: "Precisely."

Dr McCoy: "But that's not possible. There'd always be some doubt."

Mr Spock: "The smallest doubt would be enough to kill you."

As the Earps arrive, accompanied by Doc Holliday, wind, lightning, and increasingly dramatic music, Mr Spock uses Vulcan mind melds to give the others some of his certainty that "the bullets are unreal. Without body. They are illusions only."

The Earps and Holliday blast away for ages, but to no effect, then Captain Kirk does a hilarious flying kick on Wyatt Earp before having a fist fight with him - a contest in which Earp doesn't stand a chance against the Shat in all his glory.

Having won the fight, Captain Kirk points his gun at Earp, but then throws it away. This is classic Star Trek, and this is far from the first time that Captain Kirk has won by showing mercy on his defeated adversary. Of course that also means it's far from the most famous example of this, too.

The aliens, using their distinct but by now familiar zoom-in-then-zoom-out-again effect, teleport our heroes back to the Enterprise, where Chekov is alive again. All he remembers is

"But that girl. She was so beautiful. So real."

Naughty Chekov. Sylvia didn't appear in the last part of the story, but that must be because of the law that states if Chekov's Girl appears in the first act, she must be fired by the third act.

The alien spaceship from the start of the episode blows up in front of them, then the alien appears on the viewscreen to talk to Captain Kirk:

Alien: "Captain Kirk. You did not kill. Is this the way of your kind?"

Captain Kirk: "It is. We fight only when there's no choice. We prefer the ways of peaceful contact. I speak for a vast alliance of fellow creatures who believe in the same thing. We have sought you out to join us. Our mission is still one of peace."

Alien: "Approach our planet and be welcome. A delegation will come out to meet you. Our warning threats are over."

Well that's the end of the episode, except for a brief scene where Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy philosophically discuss how mannys have changed between 1881 and stardate 4385.3:

Mr Spock: "Mankind, ready to kill."

Captain Kirk: "That's the way it was in 1881."

Mr Spock: "I wonder how humanity managed to survive."

Captain Kirk: "We overcame our instinct for violence."

Mr Spock gives him a look that suggests he doesn't quite believe this since, after all, Captain Kirk did still do a massive Shat Fu leap on to Wyatt Earp at the end there. Or maybe Mr Spock just can't quite believe the episode ended without Dr McCoy saying something racist to him. That's progress of a different sort, I suppose.