Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Big Gay Longcat reviews Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Previously on Big Gay Longcat's Big Gay Longblog...

And now the continuation...

Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain.

Mr Spock bothers Captain Kirk until he falls off the mountain, but Mr Spock has rocket boots and he catches Captain Kirk. I think this scene is here to show that Captain Kirk and Mr Spock are still best friends, and it will take more than a little trolling from Mr Spock to get between them.

On the Planet of Galactic Peace the baddy's army captures the Federation, Romulan and Klingon ambassadors. This gets the story underway as it is obvious that the Enterprise is going to have to go and save them.

Scotty thinks the new Enterprise was "put together by monkeys." Wow! A spaceship made by monkeys! That must be the best spaceship ever!

Lt Sulu and Mr Chekhov are lost and Lt Sulu pretends they're in a blizzard but Lt Uhura sees through this subterfuge and makes them come back to the Enterprise.

Dr McCoy has made dinner for Captain Kirk and Mr Spock around a campfire. Dr McCoy and Captain Kirk sing a song but Mr Spock has trouble joining in. Lt Uhura comes to get them in the middle of the night and takes them to the Enterprise.

Captain Kirk goes to the bridge and gets the mission to rescue the ambassadors. They head straight for the Planet of Galactic Peace, but there are Klingons on their way there too.

Captain Kirk gets a message from the hostages and the baddy leader, and Spock recognises him because he is a Vulcan. They go down to the planet in a shuttle.

Lt Uhura distracts the baddy guards by doing a dance with a couple of fans, which she must have brought with her for that purpose. I think this scene would have been better if Lt Sulu had been the one who distracted the guards.

There is a big fight until Captain Kirk and Mr Spock rescue the ambassadors, but then they turn out to be on the baddy's side and so Captain Kirk and Mr Spock are captured.

The baddy leader is called Sybok. Mr Spock tries to arrest him but Sybok laughs and thinks Mr Spock was joking. He wasn't, which makes this a funny bit.

They go back to the Enterprise and Lt Sulu has to crash the shuttle into it to avoid the Klingons shooting them. Everyone is knocked out. Captain Kirk and Sybok wake up first and they fight. Mr Spock gets a gun but he doesn't shoot Sybok. This is because Sybok is Mr Spock's half-brother. This is a shocking revelation, because everyone thought Mr Spock didn't have a brother until now.

Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy are put in prison by Sybok's men while Sybok uses his hypno-eyes on Lt Sulu and Lt Uhura, and then Mr Chekhov and everyone else so he can take over the Enterprise.
I wish I had hypno-eyes like Sybok, then I could get fish whenever I wanted. "Each fish hides a secret pain... hypno-eyes!" I would say. Then I would nom the fish.

Sybok wants to go the centre of the galaxy to visit a mythical planet. Presumably he means Megas-Tu, which the Enterprise visited in the episode The Magicks of Megas-Tu. To get there they will have to go through the Great Barrier.

Scotty has not been hypno-eyesed yet, and he rescues Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy.
"I know this ship like the back of my hand," he says. But then Scotty knocks himself out by hitting his head. Clumsy Scotty!

Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy climb up a lift shaft to escape the baddys - this way of escaping was cleverly foreshadowed by the mountain climbing scene at the start of the film.

Mr Spock goes to get rocket boots again. As they fly up to escape, we can see that the deck numbers are in the wrong order - those cheeky monkeys!

Captain Kirk sends a distress signal, but it is the Klingons who intercept it so they can chase the Enterprise again.

Sybok catches up with Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy. He tries to hypno-eyes Dr McCoy and then Mr Spock by showing them things that make them sad. Captain Kirk doesn't let Sybok even try to hypno-eyes him, and then Sybok realises his hypno-eyes has not worked on Mr Spock or Dr McCoy.

Sybok thinks he will see Ceiling Cat on the other side of the Great Barrier. He is clearly being silly, any cat could tell you that Ceiling Cat watches us from the ceiling, not from the centre of the galaxy (unless your ceiling was in the centre of the galaxy, I suppose).

They fly into a big blue cloud until they find a blue planet. It doesn't look like Megas-Tu, so maybe this is a different centre of the galaxy? I don't know about science things, I'm just a cat.

Sybok, Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy go the planet in a shuttle. For a while it looks like there isn't anybody on the planet, but then it suddenly gets dark and big rocks appear like massive hands under the ground - a very scary bit!

There is a light and a face appears - it doesn't look like Ceiling Cat to me!

"What does God need with a starship?" Captain Kirk is suspicious as well.
God zaps him - God is really a baddy!

Mr Spock gets zapped too, and then Dr McCoy and Sybok realise it's not really Ceiling Cat but some bad god of the kind the Enterprise has encountered before. A lot.

God makes himself look like Sybok to scare him, and Sybok sacrifices himself trying to hypno-eyes God. The Enterprise shoots God so Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy can escape. They run back to the shuttle but can't take off. Scotty manages to beam up Mr Spock and Dr McCoy, but the Klingons arrive and shoot the Enterprise before Captain Kirk can be rescued.

Captain Kirk is still in danger, because God is not dead. God tries to zap Captain Kirk some more, but then the Klingons turn up and shoot God. Captain Kirk is beamed aboard the Klingon ship. He has been rescued by the Klingon ambassador and Mr Spock, who have taken charge of it.

Captain Kirk goes to hug Mr Spock but Mr Spock says "Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons."

LOL! With this funny bit it is the end of the adventure and everyone is safe. Except for Sybok who is dead.

The film finishes with Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy going back to their camping. Which, let's face it, has got to be the best way to leave them.

In conclusion this is a fabulous, fantastic film and I am a happy cat for having seen it. I think it is already my sixth best film of all time, with only the other Star Trek films being better.

No comments:

Post a Comment