Wednesday 3 October 2018

Big Gay Longcat reviews Doctor Who: The Curse of Fenric Part Three


Millington orders his henchmanny to "radio for reinforcements" and the henchmanny reminds him that he just ordered for all the radios to be destroyed. Millington says
"What?"
although in the comic version it was more like

Millington runs into the room where Perkins has just finished breaking all the radios and he makes an 'oh noes' face, lol.


The Doctor says the vampires aren't vampires but rather "haemovores" (to avoid copyright infringement, especially after Nicholas Parsons just mentioned Dracula) and claims they are what mannys will evolve into in the future. Oh noes, not more evolution nonsense, didn't we have enough of that in the previous story?

Nicholas Parsons questions how the Doctor can know the future, which shows that he is clever and perceptive. I hope he becomes the new Companion and doesn't get killed off before the end of the episode, but he is worried the not-vampires-but-they-are-really will come back to nom him like thet said they would.

The monsters attack the Russian soldiers who run away. One of them points out that "vampires don't exist" and he's right. But "haemovores" do - the writer's got you bang to rights there, random soldier manny!

Millington and Dr Judson argue because Millington is a cultist who wants "all the dark powers of Fenric" while Dr Judson is just a manny who likes computers. Meanwhile, now back at the church, the Doctor sets Nicholas Parsons to look in his old books for clues - this really is getting to be a proper Call of Cthulhu adventure now, no wonder Cthulhu likes it so much.


Ace finds the pot and puts it in her bag for later, then the monsters attack the church.


There is quite a lengthy action scene as Ace tries to get away. Two of the monsters are about to nom her but she is rescued by Captain Sorin and his soldiers. The monsters get back up again when shot with bullets but the Doctor realises they can be held off by having faith, which "creates a psychic barrier" and makes Cthulhu grumpy. Well, grumpier than usual.

Captain Sorin uses his faith in the Revolution to escape from the church, while the rest try to get out through the secret tunnel. The Doctor sees Ace has the pot along with all her explosives, and tells her "that's the oriental treasure we've been looking for."

Captain Sorin gets back to the rest of his soldiers on the beach and says "there's a storm coming," which might be one bit of ominous foreshadowing too many, to be honest.

Millington and his soldiers capture the Doctor, Ace and Nicholas Parsons and steal the pot and books from them. Captain Sorin allows himself to get captured too, after warning his mannys about Millington's trap.


Ace finally gets fed up not knowing the plot, and gets angry at the Doctor so he will tell her (and us) what's going on, and not before time.
"You know what's going on, don't you?"
"Yes."
"You always know, you just can't be bothered to tell anyone. It's like it's some kind of game, and only you know the rules. You knew all about that inscription being a computer program, but you didn't tell me. You know all about that old bottle, and you're not telling me. Am I so stupid?"
"No, that's not it."
"Why then? I want to know."
"Evil! Evil since the dawn of time!"
"What do you mean?"
"Will you stop asking me these questions?"
"Tell me!"
"The dawn of time, the beginning of all beginnings. Two forces only: good and evil. Then chaos. Time is born, matter, space. The universe cries out like a newborn. The forces shatter as the universe explodes outwards. Only echoes remain, and yet somehow, somehow the evil force survives. An intelligence. Pure evil!"
The Doctor speaks his lines quickly, as if he is only telling us reluctantly and is hoping we won't be able to keep up with him. But we cats have a secret weapon for use in such situations - the paws button.
"That's Fenric?"
"No, that's just Millington's name for it. Evil has no name. Trapped inside a flask like a genie in a bottle."
"Can we stop it?"
"We need to get that flask."
"We can release Captain Sorin to help us. I can distract the guard."
"How?"
"Professor, I'm not a little girl."
I'm not sure what that last line has to do with anything. Maybe Ace just decided to point it out apropos of nothing?

There follows one of the most confusing scenes evar in Doctor Who as Ace distracts the guard by talking absolute nonsense at him.
"There's a wind whipping up. I can feel it through my clothes. Is there a storm coming?"
"I wasn't expecting one."
"The question is, is he making all the right moves or only going through the motions?"
"What are you doing here?"
"You have to move faster than that if you want to keep up with me. Faster than light."
"Faster than the second hand on a watch?"
The guard even joins in after a while. Cthulhu's theory is that they have both lost sanity points and this is the inexorable result. Ace continues:
"Much faster. We're not even moving yet. Hardly cruising speed. Sometimes I move so fast, I don't exist any more."
"What can you see?"
"Undercurrents, bringing things to the surface. I can't stay."
"You promised."
Er... when?
"I can't."
Thankfully that's the last of that bit, as the Doctor and Captain Sorin have by now escaped.


Nicholas Parsons tries to hold off the vampires and the monsters and he succeeds for a bit before they persuade him that, all preceding evidence to the contrary, he doesn't believe after all and so they can nom him.

Dinsdale Landen hasn't done much so far this episode because Dr Judson is still with the Ultima Machine, which has spent all of part three running the computer program. Now it electrics him and he goes

The Doctor comes in and Millington tells him
"The time is now. The chains of Fenric are shattered. The gods have lost the final battle. The dead men's ship has slipped its moorings, and the great ash itself trembles to its roots. Fenric!"

His summoning ritual is complete. In a single moment Dinsdale Landen makes up for his previous underutilisation by standing up. His eyes glow green and he says
"We play the contest again, Time Lord."


Well it took us a while to get here, and the journey may have been a touch bumpy along the way, but it was worth it - this moment, which the entire story has been building towards, is genuinely one of Doctor Who's best cliffhangers. Evar.

Suddenly, at the point at which we might reasonably expect the plot's mysteries to start being unravelled, Fenric's use of the words "Time Lord" adds a whole extra layer.

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