Big Gay Longcat reviews Doctor Who: Dragonfire Part Three

"After all these million of years... Vector Sigma awakes!"

Wait, that's not quite right. It's just that Kane's cliffhanger speech reminded me of that bit from Transformers.

Part three of Dragonfire carries on with Kane remembering that he shouldn't talk to the audience and he goes to give orders to his new henchmannys - not Tony Osoba or Magenta, who he killed off in part two, but some new ones. I'm beginning to think that somebody involved in the production of this story did not think this bit through. Kane orders them to find and kill the dragon and then bring its head to him.

Ace calls Glitz a "bilgebag" again and says "this is meganaff." I think she may be making a meta-commentary upon the quality of her own dialogue, or maybe even the script as a whole.

Some more of Kane's mannys go into the café from part one and shoot a manny for no reason. This causes all the other mannys to run away except for one little manny, Stella, and her Teddy, who proceed to go around exploring and appearing in random scenes for the remainder of this episode.

Meanwhile the mannys who ran away all escape from Iceworld by taking Glitz's spaceship, and then Kane blows it up to show how much of an obvious baddy he is, which he hasn't properly demonstrated since he froze that manny for no reason back in part two.

Kane's henchmannys shoot the dragon but then its head opens up and they get electriced by the power source inside. The Doctor and Mel then find the dragon's head and take the power source.

Ace has split up from them to go and get more "nitro nine" and she meets Kane who, now that he has blown up Glitz's spaceship and killed almost all the mannys in Iceworld, has to resort to turning up in her bedroom looking sinister to fulfill his quota of obvious baddying. Now that he has her captured, Kane wants to swap Ace for the Dragonfire. (And he's welcome to it as far as I'm concerned, lol.)

Stella puts Teddy to sleep in Kane's bed. This is a sweet little scene, but completely pointless.

The Doctor (accompanied by Mel and Glitz) confronts Kane. This is the scene that the story has been building towards, with it being the first and only time that they meet each other in person, face to face.

Although the Doctor has already worked it out for himself, Kane gives the exposition about how he needs the Dragonfire power source to return to his home planet of Proamon so he can have his revenge for his being put in prison here 3,000 years ago with everything he might need to return home available to him except for the power source. Why he couldn't escape using any of the spaceships at the nearby spaceport, which he seemed to be in charge of, is not explained. This plot development seems needlessly confusing and not very well thought out... no wonder Teddy needed a lie down!

The Doctor hands over the Dragonfire to Kane, and this allows Kane's spaceship to take off. This is quite a good model shot. The Doctor says Kane can't have revenge on Proamon because Proamon has already been destroyed during the time Kane was in prison.

Kane reacts to this news by opening a window, which causes him to get melted like an evil Nazi who has just opened the Ark of the Covenant.

This is the best bit of SFX in the whole season, for all that it is only about a second long.

So the Doctor defeats Kane by... well, he doesn't really. He just points out something that Kane could have easily found out for himself in about five minutes.

The main plot is over and it just remains for Mel to leave and for Ace to become the new Companion. I think Mel has decided to leave because she is aware of the Sunk Cost Fallacy and so has decided to get out before there can be any more scripts as bad as Dragonfire's. And if you think I'm being unfair, take the next bit as a prime example. Mel wants to say something to the Doctor before she goes but he won't let her, so she says

"Oh alright, you win."
"I do? I usually do."
"I'm going now."
"That's right, yes, you're going. Been gone for ages. Already gone, still here, just arrived, haven't even met you yet. It all depends on who you are and how you look at it. Strange business, time."

Here we see one of the first examples of the Doctor trying to look more mysterious - moments that will be seen much more frequently in the following two seasons. But placed here it seems to come out of nowhere and just makes it look like the Doctor is being unpleasant to Mel for no reason.

Mel leaves with Glitz, while Ace stays in the TARDIS. For some reason the final scene is of Stella finding her mummy before seeing the TARDIS dematerialise. Aside from having a curious parallel with Goronwy seeing the TARDIS depart at the end of Delta and the Bannermannys, it is probably meant to be symbolic of something.

Dragonfire is a mess, and easily the weakest of the four stories in Season 24. This is a shame, since of the four it had the most far-reaching importance on the overall direction of the series, with its impact felt even in the Doctor Who still being made today.

Partly this is because it introduced Ace, who would go on to be the Doctor's Companion in TV stories right up until Survival, and then in many of the subsequent books and comic stories that were made in the 1990s during the absence of the TV series.

But also this is the first story where we really see the new direction for the character of the Doctor, as he begins to become a "darker," more manipulative character, one who is not as straightforwardly a goody as previous incarnations. Here we see flashes of it in scenes such as where he refuses to help Magenta in part two, or where he is inexplicably mean to Mel at the end, but this would go on to be a more significant part of the character in seasons 25 and 26, and beyond.

And this is where the Doctor begins to make speeches written to establish his own mythology within the show, something the modern TV series seems to love doing as often as possible ("madman with a box" etc.) to the enormous detriment of the drama and the Doctor's character.

The way in which Mel is written out and replaced by Ace is another failing of the story. As I have pointed out, Ace is not a good character (though she does become more sympathetic in subsequent seasons) but she does appear more interesting when compared with Mel - in a few lines of dialogue Ace is given far more depth and background than Mel ever got. Mel is one of the blandest, most underdeveloped Companions evar, and it seems to me that Ace, for all her flaws, was at least created as a reaction against that. With that in mind, I suppose Mel's underwhelming leaving scene is just about typical for her.

Dragonfire is not all bad though. It has several inventive sci-fi ideas in it, and the special effects, while obviously not up to the standards of Hollywood movies of the time, and unable to compete with the likes of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Aliens, or Krull, do the job they were designed for quite satisfactorily.

However I do think that, because it is not as good as Time and the Rani, Paradise Towers or Delta and the Bannermannys, it does make fans of Doctor Who think less of the season as a whole because not only is it the last one they would have seen (if watching them in proper order) but also it is the one that the production team chose to use as a template for the later seasons.

Because that is the thing that the four very different stories of Season 24 have in common - they were all experiments in different ways of making Doctor Who; four different ways of being different from how it was before. And so that is what the character of Stella symbolises... the TV series itself, having lost its way, exploring different directions for a while, and then finally finding its proper place.

"Goodbye, Doctor."
"I'm sorry, Mel. Think about me when you're living your life one day after another, all in a neat pattern. Think about the homeless traveller and his old police box, with his days like crazy paving."

Holy complete series box set Batman!

One of the most fabulous, campest TV series evar!

Catwoman is the best character, obviously.

Big Gay Longcat reviews Mission: Impossible - The Legend

Good afternoon Mr Cat. The television programme you're looking at is The Legend, a season one episode from 1967 starring Steven Hill as Dan Briggs, Barbara Bain as Cinnamon Carter, and Greg Morris as Barney Collier, with a special appearance by Martin Landau as Rollin Hand.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to review this story.

The episode begins, as usual, with Dan Briggs (since this is a season one story, and Jim Phelps didn't take over until season two) getting his mission from the manny on the tape.

"Good afternoon Mr Briggs. The man you're looking at is Dr Herbert Reiner, a dedicated official in Hitler's National Socialist party. For the last 20 years he has been in Spandau Prison outside of Berlin. On Tuesday next week Dr Reiner finishes his sentence, and with his daughter flies immediately to Puerto Bubera in South America, thanks to the generosity of an anonymous benefactor who has sent him a round trip ticket. Our informants tell us other of Hitler's top Nazis are also at this moment on their way to Puerto Bubera. Whoever is bringing them together seems to be well financed and determined to sow the seeds of Nazism across the world again.
Your mission, Dan, should you decide to accept it, is to put these Nazis out of business.
As always, should any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
This tape will self-destruct in 10 seconds.
Good luck Dan."

Dan then picks his team, and sadly Willy is not one of them, but Rollin, Cinnamon and Barney are.

This is already an unusual premise for an Impossible Mission. There are only a few episodes where the badddys are Nazis, instead of the more common antagonists of foreign dictators, Communists, or the gangsters of the Syndicate.

During the mission briefing scene Dan explains that the baddys will be tough, as four other countries have previously sent "agents" to investigate the Nazis' mysterious benefactor, but none of them have managed to get into their secret base in Puerto Madeupa.

Dan is disguised as Dr Reiner and Cinnamon as Dr Reiner's daughter Ilsa. They go to the secret base while Rollin and Barney stay outside but nearby to help them. A doggy woofs at them as they go inside. But it is not all good - as well as the doggys, the base is full of Nazis!

They meet Friedrich Rutt, who seems to be in charge of the Nazis except that he claims not to be the mysterious benefactor but merely his "personal secretary." He takes them and some other old Nazis to a locked room where there is a manny in a bed.

Rutt says the manny in the bed is Martin Bormann, who Dan and the Nazis recognise as an important Nazi. Even though he is in bed, Bormann is not having sleeps. He talks to them saying he is injured from a crash and until he is well again he will leave Rutt in charge.

Rutt does a Nazi salute and everyone else has to do one too, even Dan and Cinnamon so that the real Nazis don't see through their disguise.

In the next scene, Cinnamon starts a fire in her bedroom. There is lots of smoke and while the Nazis are investigating it we can see it is a distraction for Dan to go to Bormann's room without being noticed by the Nazis. But things go wrong when Dan gets electriced by a trap, and then Rutt catches him and points a gun at Dan. This moment of peril is a cliffhanger moment and time for an advertisement break!

After the break (discernible on the DVD from the way the episode fades to black and then comes back in to the same scene) Dan talks his way out of trouble, saying he was worried about Bormann when he noticed the smoke, so Rutt is not suspicious. This does mean that their first plan has been foiled so Dan and Cinnamon have to contact Rollin and Barney for help with their next plan.

Rutt shows the Nazis films of Hitler making speeches in black and white, which is the kind of thing Nazis like watching. I expect they also like reading Hitler's speeches as well.

There are explosions outside the base. These are made by Barney - it is another distraction to cover Dan making a second attempt at getting to Bormann. Barney isn't in this episode very much, but he does have an important role to play during this bit. At least he was in it at all, unlike Willy who I miss because Willy is my favourite Mission: Impossible character.

Dan goes into Bormann's room with a gun in his hand, but it is not a manny in the bed, it is a dummy!

A Nazi dummy, if you'll pardon the tautology. This is the second ad break cliffhanger.

Seeing Dan with a gun already out, as though he is about to assassinate Bormann before discovering he is only a dummy, is very rare for Mission: Impossible. In fact this may be the only example from the entire series when a main character sets out to kill somebody directly, instead of the much more common scenario of setting a baddy up to be killed by other mannys on their own side.

I think it shows that Dan Briggs hates Nazis even more than Jake and Elwood do. Maybe it is because Dan is Jewish? Steven Hill, the actor who plays him, is Jewish, and so are the actors who play Rollin and Cinnamon, so while it is not made explicit if their characters are too, this would help to explain this unusual, unprecedented aspect of this mission.

Dan finds a tape player with Bormann's speeches recorded on tapes, including the one he heard Bormann say when he arrived earlier, so now he knows that Rutt has been faking up a Nazi.

Meanwhile Rutt and the Nazis go out of the base and find Barney's sound effects machine (a clever parallel - the IMF have been faking an attack on the Nazi base just as Rutt has been faking a Martin Bormann). Rutt blames Israeli agents and says they have "tried tricks like this before." They run back inside and go into Bormann's room while Dan is still there looking at the tapes, but he hides so he doesn't get caught.

Dan being in the room was more of a moment of peril than when he discovered the dummy, but the latter made for a far more effective cliffhanger - albeit one based on a moment of revelation rather than jeopardy.

Dan decides not to shoot the dummy even after all the effort it took to get to him, because he has a new and better plan. This time he needs Rollin's help.

Cinnamon starts to go outside the base to try get a message to Rollin, but she is caught by an old Nazi general. She gets away by pretending she was going to read Mein Kampf, which is another thing Nazis like. Once outside, Cinnamon gets caught again, only this time it is by Rollin pouncing on her for a fake jump scare moment.

With Rollin now in on the plan, they begin to put it into action. Cinnamon distracts Rutt by pretending to be very Nazi at him while Rollin stealths into the dummy Bormann's room, but he makes a noise so Rutt goes into the room to investigate. Rollin hides like Dan did earlier so Rutt again doesn't catch anyone.

With Rollin still hiding, Rutt puts the dummy in a wheelchair and takes him to the window where the Nazis are outside and they can see him (though not clearly enough to tell it is a dummy). He also plays them one of the tapes so they think Bormann is talking to them. Rollin can also see and hear them so now he knows what fake Bormann sounds like. When the tape is finished Rutt takes the dummy back inside.

Rutt gives the Nazis their orders for their secret Nazi missions, and he is about to send them away when Dan asks if they can see Bormann again before they go. Now we get the payoff moment of their plan, as Rollin enters the room disguised as Bormann!

Even if this is not a complete surprise to us viewers because it has been telegraphed in the preceding scenes, this is one of the best moments in Mission: Impossible because of Rutt's uncomprehending, astonished reaction.

The rest of the Nazis are all happy to see him. Rollin asks Rutt to help him sit down, calling him "Friedrich" and generally acting like he's in charge here. Rutt asks

"Who are you?"

and the Nazis give him puzzled looks. He orders them to arrest Rollin, but they don't obey him. Rollin has all the other Nazis completely believing he is Bormann, so they obey him and not Rutt, even when he sends Rutt to his room and asks him to hand over his keys, which Rutt does, symbolically surrendering his authority as he does so.

Rutt goes and sees the dummy is still in the bed where he left it, but he cannot expose Rollin that way because he was the only one that knew Bormann was a dummy really. Cinnamon comes in and Rutt tells her that Rollin is an impostor and he asks her to help him expose Rollin. In response she asks the perfectly reasonable question that, if Rollin is an impostor,

"Where is the real Martin Bormann?"

Rutt shows her the dummy in the bed and Cinnamon pretends to believe him. She gives him a gun and distracts the guard so that Rutt can knock him out and escape. Rutt goes into the room where the Nazis are but they still all side with Rollin.

Rollin is busy changing all of Rutt's plans and he throws papers in Rutt's face when Rutt refuses to obey him. Dan leads the other Nazis in applauding Rollin's actions, which makes Rutt even more angry and humiliated so that he shoots Rollin with the gun Cinnamon gave him. (Because we saw Cinnamon hand him the gun only a few moments earlier, this cleverly allows us to suspect it is a trick gun.)

The Nazi general disarms Rutt while Dan goes to help Rollin. He says

"Martin Bormann is dead."

The guards help Dan and Cinnamon take Rollin's body away, and Dan says to the other Nazis

"You must finish what must be done here."

The Nazis all know what is meant by this and, after Dan, Cinnamon and Rollin have left, Rutt confesses to them.

"I had to do it. Don't you understand? The truth is, right from the beginning it's been me. I wrote the manifesto. I was the voice you heard. I planned it all, every detail. All my life I've dreamed of this, and that was the reason why it needed him here. Nothing has to change, only from now on I give you the orders directly, and we can still achieve our goals. Give me a chance to prove it."

Every so often the camera cuts from Rutt's pathetic, ranting face to show the Nazis watching him, unimpressed.

"Let me be your fuhrer! Let me be your fuhrer! Let me be your fuhrer! Let me be your fuhrer!"

Over his last, desperately repeated begging words, the Nazis all advance on Rutt and then it cuts away to Dan, Cinnamon and Rollin (alive of course) in a car. We hear Rutt scream and the car drives away. The theme music starts playing signifying that it is the end of the episode.

Is this Nazi Donald Trump making one of his cameo appearances, like when he was in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York?

The scenes with Rollin as fake Martin Bormann lift this episode to another plane of quality, as watching him effortlessly take control of the Nazis, simultaneously usurping and subverting Rutt's own plan while at the same time Rutt is rendered impotent, unable to stop them even though he can see exactly what Rollin is doing... well, it is magnificent.

The fact that the baddys are Nazis just makes their comeuppance at the end all the more satisfying, and so this turns into one of the very best Impossible Missions there is.

Yes, even without Willy.