Thursday 17 August 2023

Big Gay Longcat reviews Blakes 7: Games

Games is the eighth episode of the fourth season of Blakes 7. It was written by Bill Lyons, a writer who more usually wrote for soap operas or, if he was feeling adventurous, police dramas. This was his only script for Blakes 7, but it could have been worse - Ben Steed wrote three, after all!


It starts with our heroes watching some explosions on their TV on Scorpio! This week something called "Feldon" is the most valuable substance in the universe, even though it is mainly only used to make canes. Avon has a plan to steal all the Feldon from the Federation. Vila likes this plan, but is worried about how safe Feldon is when it caused the explosions they were watching.

Avon overcomes Vila's doubts when he says it is worth £900,000,000. Even though all he is doing is delivering exposition to the others, Avon is still hamming up every single one of his lines. That's why we love him so much. That and he's being handsome while doing it, purr.

Everyone agrees to go along with Avon's plan, obviously. Then Avon tells them the Feldon has already been stolen from the Federation, so they need to steal it from the thief. He says
"It is protected by a security system which is supposed to be impassable."
to which Vila replies
"They're all supposed to be impassable."


We are introduced to Belkov, played by Stratford "Gnaeus Calpurnius Piso" Johns, an actor who is best known for his standout appearance in a single episode of I Claudius in 1976, but at the time was probably still most famous for having played the police detective Charles Barlow (in Z Cars and several of its spinoff series) from 1962 until 1976.

After so many years in a single role it is hardly surprising that Johns wanted to escape from typecasting, so he made appearances in historical dramas and sci-fi series playing parts very different from Barlow. His turn as Belkov is one of the highlights of this episode. After being in Blakes 7 he would go on to be in Doctor Who's Four to Doomsday as the baddy Monarch, with - it has to be said - less success.

Belkov is playing a game against his computer, Gambit - doubtless named after Mike Gambit (purr) from The New Avengers. No, lol, I'm only pulling your tail - Gambit is probably actually named after the season two episode of the same name. It seems likely that Bill Lyons may have wanted to call this episode Gambit too... until somebody else on the production team pointed out that fans of BBC sci-fi have, historically, not reacted well when two stories in the same series share the same name.

Avon's allies of the week are already trying to steal the Feldon, which for reasons that aren't yet clear involves playing a computer game where the player gets pewpewpewed at by another manny that looks just like them. All three of them get pewed and only one of them, Gerren, manages to get away. Gerren is played by David Neal, probably best known for playing the President of Androzani in Doctor Who's Caves of Androzani - so he got a better deal than Stratford Johns in that, at least. He gets teleported onto Scorpio!


Servalan, who is still pretending to be Commissioner Sleer, visits Belkov to arrest him. She says
"This isn't a game Belkov. We want those crystals and we want them now."
Belkov replies that "it is a game" - it is already clear that he sees everything as a game, or at the very least something that can be turned into a game - hence the episode title.


In this picture of Avon and Gerren, Avon is indicating which one of them will survive to the end of the episode. Gerren describes the games protecting the Feldon as "booby traps."
Belkov space telephones Scorpio! to request them to rescue him from Servalan. He offers to pay them "half the Feldon crystals" if they do, but it is obviously a trap.

Vila, Tarrant and Dayna teleport to the planet with Gerren. The dialogue in this episode is full of references to sports and games. Belkov started it, but soon everyone is at it (and not in a way that would have improved this episode tremendously, mew). First Tarrant says
"Sorry, disqualified on a technicality."
after Dayna pews a Federation manny who was already ded, then back on Scorio! Avon says
"I don't mind playing games, but I do object when the opposition makes up the rules and decides to be the referee as well."

A scene in which Vila, Tarrant and Gerren get captured by some Federation mannys and then immediately afterwards get rescued by Dayna is purest padding.


Servalan and her mannys are searching for the missing Feldon crystals. Belkov offers to tell Servalan where she can find
"Avon... Vila... Tarrant... I understand the Federation would like them out of circulation."
He has done his homew-word, hasn't he? Belkov knows very well that Servalan doesn't care about Dayna or Soolin.

Vila, Tarrant, Dayna and Gerren break into Belkov's base. This scene includes a classic example of Federation helmets doing nothing to protect their soldiers, when Tarrant hits one right on the helmet (mew!) and still knocks him out.

Tarrant makes Vila stay outside while the rest of them go into the base to get captured. Considering how useless Vila is with guns, and that Dayna is right there, it is obvious that Vila was only left behind so that Tarrant could have a threesome with Dayna and Gerren because the plot required it.


Avon hasn't had much to do so far in this episode, and he is still on Scorpio! with Soolin and Orac, but what he does do he does in the hammiest way imaginable - in this respect it is the quality of his screentime that matters, not quantity. Although, when it comes to Avon, both would always be better.

Orac gives Avon some exposition about how advanced Belkov's computer Gambit is, which makes it difficult for even Orac to hack into for information about Belkov's security. The dialogue emphasises how much Belkov has upgraded Gambit, and Avon describes Gambit as
"It is his bodyguard, his companion, his playmate... his friend, Orac."
If Avon is implying that Gambit is Belkov's friend just like Orac is his friend, Orac has other ideas:
"That implies an emotional tie, which is no part of a computer's function."
Oh well, Avon will have to make do with Tarrant. And Blake. And every cat in the galaxy, of course. Purr.


Occasionally there are guest actors in Blakes 7 who try to take on Paul Darrow at his own game. Colin Baker in City at the Edge of the World may be the most obvious example of an actor daring to think they could out-ham the master. Stratford Johns doesn't make that mistake - the hammier Darrow gets, the more he goes the other way. When Belkov meets Tarrant and Dayna (oh, and Gerren's still here too) he downplays a little throat-cutting gesture and noise when explaining what will happen if they kill him:
"Gambit is programmed to raise the alarm. Wouldn't help me, I know, but it would ensure that you were captured and - erk - executed."

Vila sees a lot of explosions, caused by Belkov blowing up the Feldon mines for the lols. Avon sends Vila into Belkov's base to steal one of Gambit's circuits that they need for their plan.

Belkov sends Servalan and her mannys into a trap where they get into a fight with the planet's natives - that's the old sci-fi cliché of a primitive but dangerous people who don't like intruders in their sacred places. Belkov then lures Tarrant and Dayna (and Gerren) into a trap underneath his escape ship - stealing ideas from Moonraker, now that's a touch of class.


Vila meets Gambit and he starts talking to it and makes a couple of moves in the game that Gambit had been playing with Belkov, but then he has to hide when Belkov comes in. Belkov is preparing to leave and orders Gambit to "self-destruct" once all his other orders and plans have been carried out. Even though Vila is hiding right there, Gambit doesn't give him away to Belkov.

After Belkov has gone, Vila talks to Gambit some more and tries to persuade it to not self-destruct. It opens the door to release Tarrant and Dayna (and Gerren) and even gives Vila the circuit he wants. Although it took some out-of-character actions for Vila to end up in this situation, he was the perfect character to choose, and the only one of our heroes who could have won Gambit over in this way. These scenes alone make this the best episode for Vila, as a character (as distinct from being the best episode with Vila in it, which this decidedly isn't), since City at the Edge of the World back in season three.


While escaping, Tarrant and Dayna (and Gerren) get into a shootout with some Federation mannys. While the regular characters get teleported to safety on Scorpio! Gerren gets pewed and captured by Servalan. That's the last we'll see of him - you didn't need to be Orac to predict that Gerren wouldn't make it safely to the end credits.

Avon, Tarrant, Vila, Orac and Soolin go to Belkov's "orbiter" where the stolen crystals are, but they have to get past the "booby traps" first (rather than, say, teleporting straight to where the crystals are, because that just wouldn't be playing the game). The game that defeated Gerren and his friends at the start of the episode is beaten by Soolin, because she is good at shooting. The next game is a "flight simulator" which gets beaten by Tarrant because he is a pilot. You can see where the episode is going with this - there is one game to match each of our heroes' special skills. (Except for Dayna, since Belkov neglected to make a game about getting captured offscreen between scenes.)

Vila uses his thief skill to open the next door, then it is Avon's turn. Avon realises that the only winning move in this final game is not to play it, since it is designed to be unwinnable:
"There aren't any damned crystals. There never were any damned crystals. They're like everything else on this ship: a game. That's why the last one has to be impassable. We have got to get out of here!"


Belkov contacts Gambit from his escape ship and asks for it to paw over control of the ship to him, but Gambit refuses since it has been ordered to self-destruct afterwards. Realising that he's going to die either way, Belkov asks Gambit to draw power into the Feldon crystals from a black hole, to blow as much up as possible. Gambit agrees, and Belkov starts to laugh. 


He has liked the occasional low-key maniacal laugh throughout the episode, but hasn't gone the full Mordred until now.

Scorpio! pewpewpews the orbiter to allow our heroes to escape. Vila reveals that he took Belkov's necklace of crystals from the base, so at least they have some of the Feldon they came for.


"I'd say the last game was mine, wouldn't you?"
he says. Sadly for Vila (and in a reversal of the otherwise similar ending to City at the Edge of the World) they turn out to be fakes, so Avon gets the last line of the episode:
"End game to Belkov."


Games
is the most average episode of season 4, being neither great like Headhunter, Sand or Orbit, nor awful like Power, Animals or Assassin. It has two points of interest that help it to stand out from other episodes, these being a rare increased role for Vila, and the noteworthy performance from guest actor Stratford Johns.

Sadly, many of the other aspects to this story have been done better elsewhere - we could look at Headhunter to see a better rival computer to Orac, or Gold to see a better heist episode. Even when Vila gets the chance to be centre stage and to put his thieving skills to use, this is still not done so well as had already been seen in City at the Edge of the World.

Still, at least the production doesn't stand out for all of the wrong reasons - better to be a Games than a Power any day. So I think we'll call this one a draw.

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