Big Gay Longcat reviews Star Trek: Catspaw

Today Starcat and I are going to review another Star Trek episode, and because it is a scary one we are going to have help from Scary Cat who isn't afraid of anything (except maybe Hoover, but don't tell him I said that or he will make a scary face at me).

The episode is called Catspaw, and I like it already just from the name.

It starts with the Enterprise going round a planet. Scotty and Lt Sulu are on the planet and Captain Kirk is worried about them. Jackson beams up all by himself, then falls down and goes

Actually he says there is a curse on the ship and if they don't go away they will all die. Jackson speaks in a scary voice (though not as scary as Balok's scary face) and then he is really dead.

Captain Kirk isn't scared. He beams down with Mr Spock and Dr McCoy. There they pick up life signs but the Enterprise can only detect the three of them on the planet. Then they lose contact with the Enterprise.

They meet the three witches from MacBeth who tell Captain Kirk to go back. Captain Kirk still isn't scared, just confused. He asks Mr Spock to comment.

"Very bad poetry, Captain."

"A more useful comment, Mr Spock?"

They find a spooky castle and go inside. Straightaway they meet a black cat! It mews and for the first time Captain Kirk is scared. He recovers quickly and tries not to look scared when when the door closes behind them and makes a loud noise.

The cat mews again and they fall through a hole in the floor and are knocked out. When they wake up they are in prison. Scotty and Lt Sulu come in but they have been hypno-eyesed.

They are about to take Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Dr McCoy somewhere else when Captain Kirk and Mr Spock try to fight them. A manny shouts "stop!" and suddenly they are in a different room which is much more fabulous-looking than the prison.

There is a manny there and the cat is there too. Captain Kirk immediately demands answers from the manny, who is called Korob. The cat speaks to Korob and is obviously the one who is really in charge out of the two of them.

Korob has a magic wand. He uses it to make noms appear for them but they don't want to eat. He makes jewels appear instead but Captain Kirk is not impressed by this either. Korob says he has been testing their loyalty, bravery and integrity.

The cat leaves the room and another manny comes in instead. She is Sylvia.

Captain Kirk gets the phaser away from hypno-eyesed Scotty, but Sylvia makes a little Enterprise and holds it over a candle. Captain Kirk is allowed to contact the real Enterprise and hears it is getting hotter. Captain Kirk gives in. The aliens spare the Enterprise but put a forcefield around it so they can't beam anyone down to try a rescue.

Captain Kirk and Mr Spock are put back in prison while Dr McCoy is hypno-eyesed like Scotty and Lt Sulu.

Sylvia and Korob argue. They are on a mission and they disagree about how to do it. Sylvia likes being shaped like a manny and wants to stay like that, but Korob says "we have a duty to the Old Ones."

At this point Cthulhu joined us to watch the rest of this episode, but I don't know why.

When Sylvia is alone with Captain Kirk (or she thinks she is, actually Korob is watching them secretly) she tries to team up with him instead of Korob.

Captain Kirk pretends to go along with Sylvia and kiffs her. She likes it and gives away secrets until she reads Captain Kirk's mind and realises he is just pretending (obviously Captain Kirk would much rather have been kiffing someone else). Sylvia gets very angry and Captain Kirk is put back in prison.

Korob comes and releases Captain Kirk and Mr Spock. He thinks Sylvia has gone mad and so he is on their side now. This is a very sudden change and I think the real explanation is that he was hoping Captain Kirk would kiff him too.

There is a giant shadow of a cat in their way.

"Why a cat?" asks Captain Kirk.

"Racial memories," Mr Spock explains. "The cat is the most ruthless, most terrifying of animals, as far back as the sabre-tooth tiger." Mr Spock is clever; he knows these things.

The giant cat chases them and knocks a door down, squashing Korob. Captain Kirk takes his magic wand from him and then Captain Kirk and Mr Spock fight with the hypno-eyesed Dr McCoy, Scotty and Lt Sulu, and knock them out.

Sylvia comes in and teleports herself and Captain Kirk away from Mr Spock for an ultimate showdown. She wants Captain Kirk to hand over the magic wand, which is really a 'transmuter' that allows them to use their magic powers.

Captain Kirk breaks it instead, and there is a flash explosion. The castle disappears, and Dr McCoy, Scotty and Lt Sulu aren't hypno-eyesed anymore.

There are two tiny blue aliens with tentacle faces, the real Sylvia and Korob, and they die. Cthulhu's plans to nom the world have been foiled once again.

Scary face! That means it is the end of the episode.

This is a great episode of Star Trek because it has cats in it, and there are not nearly enough of those. Also it is really obvious that the cat is actually Sylvia in disguise, which means that Captain Kirk kiffed a cat!

Cthulhu was the only one of us who didn't like this story. I asked him why but he was being grumpy and only said something about the stars not being right...