"Jim, there's trouble."
"What's wrong, Cinnamon?"
"The government have printed a propaganda booklet in favor of Remain and mailed it to every voter in the country."
"Surely you can't be serious? Simple reverse psychology tells us this would give a big boost to the Leave side, as voters feel they're being told what to do and vote the other way out of sheer stubbornness."
"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. The problem is not with the ordinary voters, who are backing 'Vote Leave' in droves, it is with the politicians - they're believing their own propaganda, and so now every mainstream political Party is officially in favor of Remain. And because the referendum is..."
"...Because the referendum is only advisory, they could vote against it in their parliament. I see. That means we'll have to take steps to make sure there's a majority for Leave in the House of Commons. Fortunately for us, their First Past the Post system has given the Conservative Party an overall majority, so we only need to convince them."
"How can we do that Jim? We know that Prime Minister Cameron, Chancellor Osborne, and most of the other senior Conservatives all want 'Vote Remain' to win."
"That's true, Willy, but you're forgetting one thing - a vote in parliament would only take place after the referendum saw a majority vote for Leave. So we don't need to convince them now, we just need to ensure that whoever is leader of the Conservatives after the referendum is someone that will carry out the will of the people.
Willy, Cameron will have to go immediately - take care of him, er, it.
Cinnamon, I think ensuring the right person takes his place may be a job for 'Ms Leadsom' - just make sure you don't find yourself in the hot seat when the music stops."
"Yes Jim. But Jim, what about the Labour Party? As the official opposition, couldn't they rally support and block the vote in the Houses of Parliament?"
"I don't think we need to worry about the Labour Party somehow, Cinnamon..."
Meanwhile, at Labour Party Headquarters...
"Jeremy... I mean Comrade Corbyn... I have seen reports in the newspapers that you're not fully behind us in backing 'Vote Remain'. Tell me this isn't true, please."
"Do not believe the lies of the capitalist press, Comrade Burnham. I am fully in favor of our country remaining part of the European Union. Well, ninety percent in favor... seventy... call it fifty-five percent in favor, which is still more for than against it, no?
Besides which, haven't I been up and down the country making speeches in support of our comrades in the European Union? The press must have given them at least some coverage?"
"There's nothing about that here."
"Oh well, ask Comrade Eagle if you don't want to take my word for it."
"Trapped between betraying our socialist principles on the one hand... electoral oblivion on the other... I don't believe in the no-win scenario. There has to be... a third way. Exceptnotthatkindofthirdway. Perhaps... yes, perhaps I could become a mayor... a mayor like Sadiq
...but that's another story.
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