Big Gay Longcat reviews The Lord of the Rings (part two)

Frodo wakes up and sees Gandalf. He has been healed by Elrond (Frodo, that is, not Gandalf). Gandalf explains to Frodo how he was trapped by Saruman (the film still doing itself no favours by using Saruman and Aruman interchangeably), with us even getting a little recap montage of those scenes from earlier in case we had forgotten or been having a sleep during them. He then goes on to explain how he was rescued by Gwaihir "the great eagle."

Frodo meets up with Bilbo. Bilbo asks to see the Ring again, and when he does he makes a face.

"Don't adventures ever have an end?"

John Le Mesurier and Ian Holm both play better versions of Bilbo Baggins, but for this one scene, and for the emotion put into that one line of dialogue in particular, the animated film does it best.

To get around the lengthy dialogues and massive exposition dump of the Council of Elrond, the narrator intervenes and provides us with a summary. We are then introduced to "Boromir of Gondor" (voiced by Michael Graham Cox, the other actor to later return for the radio series) who is distinguished by his horned helmet, giving Boromir the appearance of a stereotypical viking.

Boromir's eventual fall is foreshadowed early here, as he unconsciously reaches out for the Ring as soon as Frodo shows it at the Council.

André "Quatermass" Morell voices Elrond, although he is miscast - not so much Elrond the Half-Elven as Elrond the Middle-Manager. Still, he's not as miscast as Hugo Weaving was in the part.

Bilbo gives Frodo his mithril shirt and sword "Sting" and then the Fellowship of the Ring sets out. By this point, of the nine walkers, only Gimli remains unintroduced to us viewers. The scene then moves on immediately to the Fellowship caught in the snow while trying to pass over the Misty Mountains, and the decision whether or not to attempt the passage of Moria. Gimli steps up to support Gandalf when the rest of the company are against it, giving him his first moment of characterisation.

The scene then moves swiftly on again, and we find them at the doors of Moria, the site of one of Tolkien's rare continuity errors - the writing on the doors reads

Ennyn Durin Aran Moria: pedo mellon a minno. Im Narvi hain echant: Celebrimboro o Eregion teithant i thiw hin.

which Gandalf translates as

"The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter. And underneath small and feint is written: I, Narvi, made them. Celebrimbor of Hollin drew these signs."

But of course Moria wouldn't have been called Moria when the doors were made, it would have been called Hadhodrond by the Elves of Hollin.

As Gandalf fruitlessly tries to open the doors, we see that Bill the pony is still with them, the unsung tenth member of the Fellowship of the Ring, and we get a little touch of character development between Legolas and Gimli:

"What a people you Dwarves are for hiding things. On the gates of your most wondrous, ancient kingdom you write 'Speak, friend, and enter,' and no spell in any language can open the door."

And then, when Gandalf succeeds:

"So, all you had to do was say 'friend,' and enter."
"Those were happier times."

Now for Cthulhu's favourite bit of Lord of the Rings, as the tentacle monster attacks Frodo. Boromir and Strider rush to help, looking a bit like He-Man characters in the way they run directly at and over the camera.

Sam says "Poor old Bill" as they have to leave him behind when the tentacle monster closes the doors on them. Spoilers: Bill survives, and I bet he gained a few levels after that encounter too!

The scenes set in Moria are among the most atmospheric of the whole film. The incidental music is subtle, or even absent entirely, which builds up the tension, although the slipping between animation styles - realistic in long-shot, cartoony when close up - can be quite distracting.

Pippin drops his stone down the well, leading to Gandalf's great line

"Fool of a Took!"

They find the record book of Balin (here pronounced as Bay-lin) and Gandalf reads out enough passages to heighten the tension still further, ending upon

"Drums. Drums in the deep."

 Orcs attack them, and there is a big fight. An Orc throws a spear at Frodo in slow motion and is then killed by Strider who has, once again, given himself an advantage by staying at normal speed. Gandalf says

"Run for it!"

and they are chased by lots more Orcs, and then...

"Balrog!"

Gandalf says the word as if it is the Balrog's name rather than the type of monster it is. He tells Balrog "you can not pass" rather than the far more famous and memetastic "you shall not pass!" of Serena McKellen.

Balrog designs tends to vary quite a lot between different adaptations. I like this Balrog a lot - he has a head like a lion's so it is tough for us cats not to be on his side. The worst version is probably the one from Street Fighter 2, he's certainly the least faithful to the book.

Gandalf and Balrog fight, and both end up falling into the chasm. Gandalf's last words are "fly, you fools!" which is ironic because Balrog is the only one there who has wings.

The rest of the Fellowship run out of Moria and straight into a scene change to Lothlorien, where they meet Galadriel and Celeborn (incorrectly pronounced as Seleborn). Galadriel is voiced by Annette Crosbie and Celeborn by Richard Wilson. Now I know what you're thinking - I don't believe it either!

Galadriel says "the forests have told us of your loss" which saves the party having to recap the story so far. There is then a montage of them resting and recovering in Lorien and feeling sad for Gandalf.

Galadriel brings Sam and Frodo to look into the Mirror of Galadriel. We don't see what the Mirror shows, only the faces of Sam and Frodo reacting to it. Galadriel reveals that she possesses Nenya, one of the Three Rings, and Frodo offers Galadriel the One Ring. She laughs and says

"And I came to test your heart. You will give me the great Ring freely, and in place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be evil, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!
I pass the test. I will diminish and go into the West, and remain Galadriel."

This is an abbreviated version of one of the best speeches in Lord of the Rings - the full version is even more powerful. It is therefore a shame the animation of this bit is so underwhelming, with the whole speech delivered by Galadriel in longshot, apart from one cutaway of Frodo looking mildly concerned.

They depart Lorien in boats and Strider spells out the choice they will soon have to make:

"Shall we turn west with Boromir and go to the wars of Gondor, or turn east to Mordor and its Dark Lord? Or shall we break our Fellowship?"

The others leave Frodo alone to choose his path, until Boromir comes back. He advises Frodo to go with him to Minas Tirith (pronounced Mine-ass Tirith, lol). Boromir's speech where he basically talks himself into trying to take the Ring from Frodo by force is a good one, and I presume was essentially Michael Graham Cox's audition piece for the radio Boromir.

"It is only yours by chance. It might have been mine. It should be mine. Give it to me!"

Frodo uses the Ring to escape and Boromir's madness passes. He instantly regrets what he did, and when he tells the rest of the party the Hobbits run off to look for Frodo and the Fellowship is scattered.

Sam has often been the comic relief character up until now, but here he proves his Vila-like cleverness when he reasons that Frodo would head for the boats to cross the river.

The forces of Hoover were driven forever from the face of the living room by the valiant friends of Big Gay Longcat. As their gallant battle ended, so too ends the second great review of The Lord of the Rings.