There is a pre-titles sequence where James Bond gets killed - well, that was a short film. Oh no, it was actually a different manny wearing a Sean Connery mask, predating the likes of Rollin Hand or the Master's use of masks by several years, as well as explaining why neither of them ever tried disguising themselves as Sean Connery - it isn't as if his voice is hard to impersonate, but they didn't want to get themselves strangled by SECTRE agents by mistaik!
Now obviously this means that James Bond doesn't really appear in his own pre-titles sequence. But it does introduce us to the baddy Donald Grant and quickly establishes how dangerous he is - if he can kill a manny disguised as Bond, then maybe he can kill the real Bond too!
The first scene after the title sequence introduces us to Kronsteen (Vladek Sheybal), who must be clever because he is good at chess. He is also the Number Five member of SECTRE, which we see when he goes to meet the most important character in the film - SECTRE's Number One, a.k.a. Blofeld's expensive luxury cat.
Kronsteen explains his masterplan to us and then Number One tucks in to some fishy noms.
Expensive and luxury fishy noms, no less. You can already see why this film series became a worldwide phenomenon, especially in the early 1960s when such glamorous escapism would have been beyond the reach of most cats.
We then see the early stages of the plan play out from SECTRE's point of view without Bond appearing for quite some time. When he does he is obviously in the middle of some typical Bond naughtiness, which gets interrupted by his being called in for his mission.
After the briefing from M (which goes exactly as Kronsteen predicted it would) we are introduced to a character almost as important and iconic as Number One, although sadly he is not a cat. This is Q, played by Desmond Llewelyn, and he gives Bond his gadget for this mission - the briefcase with lots of hidden extras.
Clang!
The action properly begins in Turkey where there are three factions - the Turks who are friendly to Bond, plus two sets of baddys - the Russians and, of course, SECTRE.
Kerim Bey quickly becomes Bond's friend, and he is a great character who walks the line between not taking things seriously and taking them exactly seriously enough. This is demonstrated in the bit where the Russians make an attempt to blow him up and he is joking with Bond about it by the next scene.
The scene where Kerim Bey takes Bond to see the "gypsies" and witness two of them fighting is one of the more iconic scenes from this film, despite being not exactly politically correct. But then, this film was made well over 50 years ago so we can't exactly judge it by today's standards while at the same time acknowledging that it wouldn't and shouldn't be made that way today.
For example, the fight is of a type commonly known to old-fashioned mannys as a 'cat-fight' even though they are mannys involved, not cats. A real cat fight usually goes more like this:
"Blake is the second-best character in Blakes 7."
"You're wrong, Tarrant is obviously the second-best character in Blakes 7."
"Mew!"
"Mew!"
When Bond gets back to his hotel there are a number of noises made before he pays proper attention, which is most unlike him - he must have read the script and know what is coming next.
Tatiana Romanova slips into his bed and steals his sleeps. Bond wants to get on with the mission straight away and he starts asking her questions about the Russian decoding machine, the "Lektor," that she's supposed to be giving him. This is also unlike him - later versions of James Bond would be more interested in giving her one.
Lol.
There are a large number of shots with the Hagia Sophia in the background, it must be the Turkish equivalent of the Eiffel Tower. But the next bit is actually set there as Bond and Tatiana do spy stuff along with Grant - who Bond still doesn't know about - who kills a Russian so Bond doesn't have to.
The middle of the film is perfectly paced, with every scene advancing the plot via a mixture of action and intrigue, and even a short komedy interlude with M and Miss Moneypenny back in London.
The main set-piece takes place on the train, when Bond leaves Istanbul along with Tatiana and Kerim Bey. Also aboard are a Russian agent and Grant. Grant shows up regularly in the background to remind us of his presence, but he still doesn't interact with Bond directly. He even kills Kerim Bey and the Russian without Bond finding out, by making it look as though they killed each other.
The train conductor who tells bond of Kerim Bey's death is played by George Pastell from Tomb of the Cybermannys - a small part but he is very recognisable due to his distinctive voice.
Bond now knows their plan is going wrong, but he does not yet realise that every move he makes has been anticipated by Kronsteen and has been observed by Grant. Grant eventually makes his move when he kills a manny Bond is expecting to meet and takes his place, calling himself "Captain Nash."
He pretends to be Bond's new friend (although he does keep trolling Bond by calling him "old man," which Bond doesn't like), and they even go to the restaurant car together, where "Nash" orders red wine with his fishy noms so that Bond can't swap their glasses after he drugs Tatiana's white wine - now that's what I call thinking ahead.
Bond sees Grant drug her, but Grant is actually able to talk Bond into trusting him again long enough to stun him with the old single-blow-to-the-back-of-the-head move.
"Red wine with fish... now that should have told me shomething."
This is essentially the dramatic climax of the film, as Bond and Grant confront each other with Bond at Grant's mercy. Bond realises Grant w-words for SECTRE, and gets him to spill the entire plan. Grant threatens to kill Bond slowly and painfully by shooting him multiple times, although the plan requires him to make it look like suicide so I'm not sure how he expects to manage that, mew.
Anyway, Bond tricks Grant into opening the gadget briefcase which explodes in his face, stunning Grant so that Bond can start a proper fight with him. Grant tries to kill Bond in the same way as he killed fake-Bond in the pre-titles sequence, but again the gadget briefcase saves him when Bond gets the hidden knife and stabs Grant until he goes
Bond makes sure to call Grant "old man" after he does so.
Bond and Tatiana escape from the train and get chased by a helicopter in a scene that owes quite a lot to North by Northwest (1959) when Bond tries running away for a bit. He shoots the manny in the helicopter just as he was about to drop a grenade, and this blows up the whole helicopter - in lesser films he would probably only have needed to shoot the helicopter to make it blow up.
Another iconic scene follows as the film cuts back to Number One, Klebb (SECTRE Number Three), and Kronsteen, as Number One tells them that
"We do not tolerate failure."and then has Kronsteen killed, by means of his henchmanny's famous poisoned shoe.
The final scene of the plot then sees Klebb act directly, as she tries to steal the Lektor and kill Bond with her own poisoned shoe, and is only stopped because of Tatiana, who finally proves whose side she is on when she first distracts and then shoots Klebb. Bond's main contribution here is to quip
"She's had her kicksh."
Expensive Luxury Cat's rating: Very Expensive and Very Luxury
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