Big Gay Longcat reviews Doctor Who: The Green Death Episode Five

Instead of carrying on where it left off, the story resumes with Professor Jones looking for Jo. He spots her in the area that is about to get bombed by the RAF, so he chases after her like a doggy.

Back on the top floor of the base, the Doctor talks with the boss, or should I say...

BOSS: "I am the first Biomorphic Organisational Systems Supervisor."

Doctor: "B, O, double S? The BOSS?"

BOSS: "Precisely."

Doctor: "Ha!"

The BOSS has been programmed to maximise profit for Global Chemicals, and

"Nothing and nobody can be allowed to stand in the way of that."

This story was way ahead of its time in predicting the present global environmental crisis brought about by the capitalist pursuit of profit at all costs.

Jo and Jones take shelter from the bombing run, while the BOSS says the bombing was his idea, and claims to be "infallible." This gives the Doctor an opportunity to use one of his old friend Captain Kirk's techniques.

Doctor: "Really? Then try this one: If I were to tell you that the next thing I say will be true, but that the last thing I said was a lie, would you believe me?"

BOSS: "Er... the matter is not relevant."

Doctor: "Check!"

BOSS: "It can be worked out! Yes, er..."

Doctor: "Go on."

BOSS: "Er... your... your statements do not correlate. They are incompatible. It is not a valid query. Give me time, Doctor, I shall work it out. I shall work it out. It cannot be answered. But I will work it out, I shall work it out, I must!"

Doctor: "Check and mate! You're nothing but a machine after all."

BOSS: "I shall answer it. I shall answer it. I shall, I shall, I shall, I shall answer it! I shall, I shall, I shall, I shall answer it!"

The Doctor tries to escape while the BOSS is talking, but Stevens comes in with guards and captures him.

They put the headphones on the Doctor and try to hypno-eyes him, but are completely unsuccessful (like the mind probe scenes in Frontier in Space) and the Doctor claims to be "bored" (like a lot of scenes in Frontier in Space, lol). This leads on to a great exchange of dialogue between the Doctor, Stevens and the BOSS:

Stevens: "What's best for Global Chemicals is best for the world, is best for you."

Doctor: "Such as a little touch of brainwashing?"

Stevens: "Freedom from fear, freedom from pain."

Doctor: "Freedom from freedom?"

BOSS: "Enough! Stevens, destroy him."

Stevens: "Guards!"

Doctor: "Now, wait. BOSS, BOSS, now you're being illogical - if you destroy me, you'll destroy your bargaining power. After all, I'd make a good hostage, wouldn't I?"

BOSS: "Hmm... he's right. We shall not kill him now. We shall postpone that pleasure."

Doctor: "Pleasure? Well, well, well, perhaps I was wrong about you after all. That last remark was worthy of a human being."

The bombing run ends, but Jo and Jones are still trapped by the maggots which, surprise surprise, haven't been blowed up. The last of the explosions knocks out Jones and damages Jo's radio.

They lock the Doctor up, but he is soon rescued by Mike Yates. The alarm is raised and they have to run for it. Yates gets captured, while the Doctor escapes back to his milk float and gets away in it, indulging in an exciting, low-speed ramming of the gate on his way out. No expense spared on this blockbuster!

Jo manages to repair her radio, thus completing her long character arc as she finally accomplishes something technical. The Doctor and Benton head to the rescue in Bessie, and the Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver to make a noise that allows Benton to get past the maggots (somehow) to where Jo and Jones are, and get them both back to Bessie.

Back at the Nuthutch, Jones wakes up and only has time to give the Doctor and Jo the one-word cryptic clue "Serendipity" before he goes back to have more sleeps.

His neck has some green on it, which means he must have got got by a maggot. This is serious - Jones is practically a main character by now, not like those miner characters from earlier.

Mike Yates comes in, and we can tell immediately that something isn't right because it's Mike Yates of the way he was hiding behind a table for no reason before he entered the scene. Of course he's been hypno-eyesed, and ordered to kill the Doctor.

The Doctor wins Mike's trust by using BOSS-like terms such as "increased efficiency" and then he de-hypno-eyeses him using the Metebelis 3 crystal. There is time for a moment of komedy when the Doctor accidentally hypno-eyeses the Brigadier at the same time, lol.

With Yates back on their side, the Doctor sends him back to Global Chemicals to pretend to Stevens that their plan succeeded. Yates meets with a new* character, Mr James, and de-hypno-eyeses him using the Metebelis 3 crystal.

Mr James has time to tell Yates

"Takeover by the BOSS... At four o'clock this afternoon, the computer is going to..."

before Stevens comes in and makes a noise to knock out Mr James. We end on a crash zoom to Stevens's face - cliffhanger!

* I have no idea why Mr James is introduced at this late stage. It seems to me that it would have made more sense for him to be Elgin, who was last seen in part four about to be hypno-eyesed, and who is not seen again after that.